Growing pains

Being an adult is no fun. It comes with trials. Not just little bumps in the road, but gapping chasms we must face and cross every day, for the rest of our lives. They become a part of us - a reality we can either fight or embrace. And while things may seem easy for a period of time, it only takes one change to alter our entire life, and it's usually something we never saw coming. Whether through our own choices, the choices of others, or simply the surprises life hands us, change will come.

This is something I've thought a lot about lately, and a fact I'm trying to embrace as I deal with my x weekly, and will likely do so for the rest of my life, or at least for the next 17 years. We're amicable for the most part, but it's still a change that takes getting used to. A change that will never go away. That's part of being an adult. I have two sisters in Kentucky, and both have a handicapped child. The frequent hospital visits, daily treatments and endless medical bills are simply a part of life for them. They're amazing! I don't think I could handle it, but that's part of being an adult. I just learned my childhood friend's wife had cervical cancer and now suffers from frequent seizures. Thankfully he has family near to help, but his lifestyle has been altered forever. That's part of being an adult. A divorced friend is nearly a hundred-thousand dollars in debt because of custody battles, and after 8 years of going back and forth there is still no end in sight. She has no choice but to deal with it. That's part of being an adult.

I guess part of being an adult is dealing with adult trials. They're no fun, but they sure are growing!

He's impressivly persistent

Am I the only one who thinks a marriage proposal over email is weird? It doesn't count... right? And to nullify it further, he and I haven't spoken in years, nor have I heard from him since I was a child. Suddenly he wants to get married!

I politely declined, informing him that I was dating someone and very happy. (It was true).

Today I get a call from an unknown number. I decide to brave it, so I answer. "Natalie? This is 'Bob,' I sent you an email awhile ago?" "Yes, yes. Hi Bob! How have you been?" "Good, good. (small talk and blah blah blah). I was just wondering. If I had a good paying job and a big house, would you marry me then?"

UH... AWKWARD.

"No, Bob. I'm sorry. I wouldn't." "If you marry me, I will cook for you every night, and do all the cleaning."

MORE AWKWARD.

"Thank you, but I'm just not interested." "Do you think if I came up there (He's from out of State) that we could date a little?" "No. I'm sorry." "Well. What can I do to make you love me?"

2 minutes later I politely got off the phone. Poor guy.

I call my mom, appalled at the nerve! As she was laughing, my brother called. "Did you give Bob my number?" I asked. "Bob? Bob who." A few minutes later it rang a bell. No. No he didn't give Bob my number. I told him what had happened, and he got a good laugh out of it. As we were talking Bob called twice. Persistent. I ignored him. We hung up and a few minutes later my brother called again, "Hey! I know what you should say next time Bob calls!" He started into some funny remarks, when my phone beeped AGAIN. It was Bob. ... AGAIN!

"I better get this. It's Bob and he's not gonna leave me alone, until I tell him to." I switched over. "Hello?" I said, overtly irritated. "It's still me," replied my brother. The swap must not have gone through. I looked at my phone to try again, only to see that it HAD gone through... and I WAS talking to "Bob."

My brother and I died laughing, as it all began to add up.

Weeks prior mom had told him about the email proposal (which was not a prank) and my brother immediately began scheming a prank call. Since I haven't heard Bob's voice in over 10 years, my brother figured I would be none the wiser... and he was right. He called from a different number, disguised his voice and, the best part is mom was listening on the other line, laughing hysterically while on mute.

Dungeon to palace. Well... enjoyable, anyway.

It's official. I've finally started remodeling that dungeon I call a basement. I've never liked my basement, and the bland color lends no energy whatsoever. In my marriage I spent several hours a day down there, working beside my x and watching tv with him at night. Now I'd be stretching it to say I've been down there more than 7 hours total over the last year! I don't watch tv, I rarely watch movies, and the best excuse I've found to venture down there is to throw more crap into "storage." Thus, it has become a big storage room.

With winter around the corner, I'll be using the blessed treadmill, so I decided it's time to make my basement a place I enjoy spending time in. These are the color schemes I'm toying with. The shades aren't quite right, but you get the idea. I'm leaning toward the blue and brown. Yeah it's overused... but it's a nice (and drastic) change from the current banal beige. What do you think?

Top of Utah... Top of endurance

Last December I committed to run a marathon in 2010, and it almost got away from me, had it not been for my cousin Kara giving me a little nudge. I finally signed up last month, and ran it this weekend! It was short notice and inadequate training, but I knew with winter around the corner if I didn't do "Top of Utah" I wouldn't meet my goal this year.

I was surprised with the anxiety proceeding the race, and almost dropped out a week prior in fear of injuring myself. Instead I decided to pamper myself along the way by running at an easy pace with plenty of Gatorade, Gu and walking every two miles. I had to stop 5 times over the last 6 miles (potty-breaks), but I can say I "endured to the end," and finished strong - my last mile ran in less than 8 minutes. Overall I'm pleased. My goal was to simply finish, and 4:45 would have left me content, so I was surprised to do it in 4:10! Now I know what to expect for next year, and running it in under 4 hours is the goal. It was both scenic and spiritual, the first 13 miles through a canyon of beautiful changing fall colors.


Most of all, I was incredibly touched by the support I received from friends and family. I saw my cousins at the start line and had dinner with them the night before! I stayed the night with my friend Liz, who rode up with me and ran the race as well - giving me support and encouragment. My parents were there, cheering me on along with my sister Makenzie and, of course, my little Gracie! Jessica and her husband surprised me, as did the wonderful man I had been dating. He was at the finish line with amazing flowers, motivating me to give the final quarter mile my all. I'm so glad I did! My body aches and my legs are weak... but what an amazing experience! Hopefully the first of many.

Changing colors

I was out running last week, when my eye caught the first colors of Fall along my path. The sun was just beginning to set, and the scene was simply breathtaking. It was the only tree within 5 miles to have changed in color - and it couldn't have been in a better location. I had my phone with me so I took a quick picture and relished in the moment.

Can anyone wonder why I love running this path? Beautiful, right?!

Though I would enjoy a steady 70 degrees year-round... each season brings its own kind of beauty and a new appreciation. Regardless of what I do, seasons will come and go in the very order they were meant to. I'm certain my next run will be lined with red trees and, not too long from now, snow. Until that first snowflake arrives, I plan to enjoy theses changing leaves.

THIS is why I love my freezer!

My little dishwasher has been working overtime, and every clean rag in my home is officially dirty. The last 2 days I've found ambition during Gracie's naps... and my feet are swollen to prove it. (Apparently I don't do well on them for very long). It's been a while since I've had a good cooking session, so I decided to do a little OAMC (Once a month cooking). I began experimenting with frozen meals right before Gracie's birth, because I knew it would come in handy with a small family and a tired momma. For a small family it's smart. For a single lady it's invaluable.

This cooking spree includes 8 recipes, only a few of which I doubled - but if I had a family I would double everything and freeze half for later. I found chicken and beef on sale, so I made recipes consisting of both.

I estimate a cost of about $55 in groceries - and 45 1-person meals! I doubled the meatloaf and chimichangas, and I consider my portion sizes generous. Eating out is all too easy, and the average spent per meal is $7. ...$12 for "real" food. My freezer meals come to just over $1 per meal, saving me $270-495!!!

MY MEALS: (and the recipe link to each)
Meatloaf and potatoes: I make slightly bigger meatloafs and use savory instead of sage. Freez potatoes in ice-cream scoops on a saranwrap-lined cookie sheet, then wrap both meatloaf and potatoes individually with saranwrap. I reheat both for 1-1.5 min in microwave, unwarp and they're good to go.

Red Curry and Yellow Curry over Rice. Frozen rice is a staple in my home, and I HIGHLY recommend it! I've never done it with brown rice, but jasmine and long-grain are perfect. I freeze the curry's flat, in a quart-size zip-lock freezer bag, and they reheat just like new in 3-5 minutes.

Scalloped potatoes & ham: Once well cooled, I cut into portion sized squares and freeze them on a lined cookie sheet, then wrap each individually - storing all in a large zip-lock bag. Reheat in saran wrap for 1-2 minutes.

Pasta E Fagoili Soup: DO NOT add the pasta! It will dry it out horribly in freezing and reheating. I like adding more V8 than called for. Again, freeze in zip-lock bags lying flat.

Chicken Chimichangas: I freeze these in halfs, by wrapping them once cooled, putting them in a large freezer bag and simply throwing them in the freezer. Reheat in 1.5 min with saran wrap still on.


SECRETS TO GREAT FREEZING: I freeze for convenience! Thinking ahead and thawing is not an option, so everything I make goes straight from the freezer to the microwave. To freeze I line a cookie sheet with saranwrap for easy removal of items and, once frozen, wrap each individually in saranwrap (Small meatloafs, ice-cream scoops of potatoes, chimichanga halves and portion sized squares of scalloped potatoes). When I reheat I leave the saranwrap on, at least most of the time, to ensure edges don't get dried out and crusty in reheating. Most items hot and ready in only 1-1.5 minutes, straight from the freezer. Soups, rice and "saucy" dishes are frozen in quart sized zip-lock freezer bags, which I fill 1/2 full or more and lay flat to freeze. MAKE SURE YOU LABEL EACH BAG WITH THE RECIPE & DATE MADE. To reheat I pop zip-lock bag in microwave for 2-4 minutes and ... whalla. Thawed, heated and ready to eat! I make everything a tad more juicy (soups, sauces, mashed potatoes) because in freezing and reheating they can lose a little moisture. Never refreeze frozen meats. In otherwords, don't make the chicken chimichanges out of frozen chicken and then plan to freeze them. Obviously there are more "secrets" - but if you're scared of freezing this gives you a quick, easy start.

NOW GO OUT AND CONQUER THE WORLD! ... errrrrr.... atleast one OAMC session.

Emotionally Unavailable

Emotionally unavailable. That's what I am. I know, I know... you're wondering about my love life but don't dare ask. Here it is.

I've never experienced love with a man who lays his heart entirely on the table. Until now. He gives completley and his willingness to allow such vulnerability has left me in absolute awe. I find it wondrous, courageous, heartening and simply beautiful, on a most spiritual level. I am the woman of his dreams, and he makes it well known - and often. I've never been so cherished or received such praise and sincere admiration, nor has a man ever opened his heart so willingly, knowingly taking the risk that it might get hurt. There is no emotional withholding, and his ability to love without reserve is truly magnanimous. I only wish I had the same courage.


I don't. Not yet. And so I let him go. I pray I don't regret it.

It's not fair to him, to bask in the comfort and love he provides, when I know deep down that I can't give that in return. I'm simply unavailable. Emotionally. I can give to a certain point, but it stops there. Sadly, it took 4 years of marriage to give entirely - to allow utter vulnerability, and to fully trust the man I loved - and trust I did. Four years is too long. Next time I will give that on day 1 of marriage, and if I'm not ready do that, then I'm not ready for marriage.

I'm alone. Again. I'm choosing to use this time to better myself, as I prepare to be the kind of woman a man like him deserves. I will be forever grateful for his love, and the astounding man he is!