7 lessons I've learned, that I didn't know a year ago.

#7: Alone time is rejuvenating
I never made time for it in marriage, but in the last year it's been abundant, and I've learned to appreciate it. I've enjoyed getting to know myself better; to really soul search and discover what I want, who I want to be, and what inspires and drives me. Being alone has taught me that I love writing, and enjoy reading. It's also taught me that I care nothing for television and would rather stay up late cleaning my house than clubbing or going to a party. I know myself better than ever... but of course I do! There's nobody I spend more time with.

#6: People treat others the way they feel about themselves
I've always heard this, but it wasn't until this last year that I truly grasped it. My actions will never control or change another person - they will treat me as good, or as poorly, as they feel about themselves. I've always been a people-pleaser, but now I realize that pleasing everyone, and striving to reach my potential can never be in the same equation. Some opinions are worth holding onto, but the highest valued is that which I hold of myself.

#5: Healthy independence is empowering
Being single has forced me to develop small skills I had overlooked, and doing so has strengthened my confidence. I've gained tons of technical knowledge, discovered that the vacuum kills spiders just as well as a husband, and that fixing a clogged sink isn't so hard after all (just stinky). I should be embarrassed to admit this... but I had never driven through a parking garage on my own, and rarely filled up my own car with gas. I had never driven downtown alone, and only braved going to the same three or four places in the valley. Now I don't even hesitate to drive, including long road trips out of state. Funny, how learning one small skill can be so empowering.

#4: I can trust my own instincts
Decisions have always been hard for me, and in the past I relied heavily on the approval or permission of others, namely my spouse. Now that I have only myself to run ideas past, I've gained greater confidence in my ability to choose well, and to choose well often. I've also learned that the Lord will never make a decision for me, no matter how much I plead. I have to determine what I really want, act accordingly, and wait for Him to sanction it or leads me to a better path. In learning to trust myself, I've found liberation.

#3: Great relationships require great communication
I've never been a fan of confrontation, but it's a necessary evil and the price to pay for healthy relationships. I've learned to be more assertive, less passive, and only somewhat aggressive. (Always a work in progress lol.) It takes time, and work, but addressing a problem is far better than letting resentment fester. Remember, ultimately, people treat you the way you allow them, so if you don't like being stepped all over, belittled or disrespected ... stop allowing it! Lovingly speak your mind and patiently work toward a conclusion. You just might be surprised by the outcome.

#2: Women need each-other
I've discovered the joy, and necessity, of girlfriends and the fulfillment that can found from a girl's night out. I've learned of my dependence upon good friends, and the void they fill that a husband never could, nor was he ever meant to. I've learned to ask friends for help, and rely on them through my lowest lows. As I've branched out and made new girlfriends, I've found a satisfaction that I never knew before, and I couldn't be more grateful

#1: It's all about patience, and trusting in God's timetable
I'll admit, I'm not crazy about this phase of life. But... I've found great fulfillment in trying to make the best of it and living in the present moment, rather than waiting around for the future to arrive. As my friend Tisha says, "The good ol' days are here and now." When I find myself consumed with fears of the future, I remind myself that the Lord has an ineffable love for me, He wants my happiness and has a plan in place which will unfold on His own timetable, contingent upon my righteous efforts. Until then, I must trust that I'm exactly where He wants me to be, so I can become exactly who He needs me to become.