How I miss her

My x-husband and I share joint custody of Gracie. (Such a dirty word, "x-husband." I'm still getting used to it. I'm pretty sure it qualifies as a 4-letter word). He's a great father and adores her, for which I'm very grateful. I have Gracie 2 days a week, he has her the other 2 and then we alternate weekends. This basically ends up being a 2 on, 2 off, 5 on, 5 off pattern. Today is the last day of one of my many "5 off" cycles. OH HOW I MISS HER! It's always hard to be without her.

I'm heartbroken that I must technically miss half of her first 18 years, but whatya do? During the divorce I knew it was only right to share my little angel with her father, for her sake, so joint physical and legal custody was the best choice. No, it's not fair... but if life were fair it wouldn't be called "life." (There are worse trials). She is in my heart and I in hers. She knows who her momma is and she knows she is loved. I trust the Lord will fill in the rest.

I thank Him every day for eternal families. I have no doubt that that blessing awaits my little Gracie and I. Perhaps this life isn't fair, but the next life most certainly will be!

UPDATE: I just got home from church, only to find a few comments on how "strong" I am. lol. Thank you, thank you - but I feel kinda silly, really. The intention of this post was simply to say that I miss my little one. Divorce isn't ALL bad... you see... Gracie will grow up with twice the love and twice the gifts. ;)

A childhood dream

Karate. That's right. I'm doin' it. Mother by day, young grasshopper by night.

Ever since I was a little girl I've wanted to do Karate, and that desire has carried over into my adult years. It's always been on my, "Things to do in my life" list, so I've decided what better time than now? Sure it took me a month to decide (classic Natalie style) but now the decision is made. *sigh of relief*. I hope I'm happy with my choice of instructor and style. Kenpo Karate.

So far I LOVE it! Not only do I love it... but I'm good at it. The instructor enjoys working with me, and I with him. Grabs, kicks, strikes, blocks... bring it! By next week I should be able to hear a grasshopper at my feet.

Kenpo Creed
I come to you with only Karate, my empty hands
I have no weapons
But should I be forced to defend myself, my principles, or my honor
Should it be a matter of life or death; of right or wrong
Then here are my weapons
Karate
My empty hands

Now if there was just enough time in the week to master everything I want to do in life. "Patience, young grasshopper"

Help in Haiti

A friend of mine just sent a text saying he's going to Haiti - a last minute and very unexpected opportunity. He flies out in 2 days!!! He doesn't know anyone he's going with, and as for safety it's simply a, "I'll watch your back and you watch mine" arrangement with the new friends he'll make. He'll spend 22 days there and will be bringing back 70 orphans when he returns! My heart aches at the thought of sorrow he'll witness, but surely it will be a moving and incredible life-changing experience!

How I wish I could go. Few of us have the luxury to uproot ourselves from "life" and take 22days to serve in Haiti, however - we can all donate - AND WE ALL SHOULD! This has been arranged by the utah hospital task force and the grand measure of it all leaves me in awe! If you have items to donate or questions regarding needed donations please contact them at info@utahhospitaltaskforce.org

To make a donation online, please visit http://healinghandsforhaiti.org and click on the Paypal button. Under "special instructions" on Paypal, REMEMBER to type in that your donation is for the UT Hospital Task Force.

Eat out one less time this week and donate $10. I dare ya.

My darling little Angel!

Thank you "A Christmas Story"

Yesterday I was driving to church when I noticed two boys playing across the street, probably about 9 or 10 years old. They were standing awkwardly next to a metal pole, staring at it while giggling and nudging each other. My instincts immediately revealed what was going on and I could almost hear the "triple-dog dare" escape their lips. lol

After a moment of hesitation, one of the kids mustered up every ounce of little-boy courage he had, and cautiously walked up to the pole, his friend waiting anxiously for the adventure that would ensue. He quickly touched his tongue to the pole and just as quickly pulled it away. His tongue did not stick. Their moment of disappointment was painfully obvious, but lasted for just that. A moment. A half-second later the other boy jumped to the pole and took the challenge, met with the same results. I laughed hysterically as I watched them continue in their fun, each making another two or three unsuccessful, but equally courageous, attempts.

A moment later they were gone, moving on to, what I can only imagine, became the next best triple-dog-dare. Their mischevious excitement was both palpable and contagious, and brought with it nostalgia.

I guess I'm not the only kid who's tried sticking my tongue to a pole. Admit it.... you have too!

Dinner & a movie... with the ladies. HOLLA!

Last night was a girls night. Woot woot! What started out as dinner at a friend's house, quickly escalated into a night of talking, laughter and bonding. Naturally the conversation of men was addressed, and after our incessant school-girl giggling we determined it was completely necessary to see Robert Downey Jr. in all his glory, so we headed to Jordan Landing to see "Sherlock Holmes." Imagine our disappointment when we learned it was sold out. Really? Sold out? Even my flirting with the ticket-taker (yes, that was his official title) didn't free up any seats. Never fear, it takes more than that to keep us down! We ran home, booked tickets online and went to a later showing at the Gateway.

First movie I've been to in months! It was great and Robert Downey Jr. was incredible, as always. I'm a bit of a geek when it comes to movies, and seem so always find SOMETHING of deeper meaning. Sherlock Holmes was no exception.

The movie begins with Holmes and Watson working on a case in which they quickly come upon their dastardly villain, Lord Blackwood. In his haste to obtain Blackwood, Watson charges to attack him and is abruptly stopped by Holmes. The camera focuses on a long and lethal crystal-clear dagger, inconspicuously held at chest level, pointing directly at Watson. Had he continued in his path, it would have surely been the death of him.

"Holmes, how did you see that?" he asked in awe.

"Because I was looking for it," was Sherlock's cool reply.

Immediately I found myself pondering the significance of this scene. Awe, the hidden daggers Satan continually holds before us. I was reminded of the scripture in D&C: "If thou art not aware thou wilt fall." How very true. To be aware, to be proactive, to recognize Satan for what he is and acknowledge his clever, cunning and concealed weapons.... that... is life.

The night ended wonderfully, with talk of our next "girls night" already in the works. I wouldn't have spent my Friday night any other way. How thankful I am for good friends!

Just to make you smile...

One of my young women sent me an email awhile back that I found hilarious. Perhaps you've seen some of these, but I felt the need to share the best of the best. Plus I'm a blog slacker so DEAL.

AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE....

Technology + Me = True Love Forever

Do we not have SO MUCH to be grateful for? It's an amazing time to be alive, and a blessed country to be living in! I often find myself inundated with gratitude, smiling over the little things I enjoy every day. Today has certainly been one of those days. I have so much to be grateful for, but at this particular moment I've chosen to profess my love for technology. :)

So far my day has consisted of the following:
Woke up. (no technology involved). Checked my email in the comfort of my bed - the beauty of laptops. (If my laptop hod not been near I could have used my phone, and usually do). Hopped out of bed and headed to the basement, where I ran on the treadmill while watching a "Timeout for Women" DVD - felt physically and spiritually uplifted. A sensing-strap was across my chest, insuring my heart-rate stayed at my target goal. My phone rang. I answered it. I talked to my mom. Still running. Meanwhile, a little machine was in the other room washing my clothes for me. Wahoo. Done. Stretched. Showered. Running water. HOT water! Got ready for the day. My cheap flat-iron insures I look a little less frumpy. Chilly outside, cranked the heat inside. Hungry - made a shake with my tiny blender in a matter of seconds. Thank goodness for my fridge, keeping the fruit fresh. Turned on my Spanish CD's and "educated" myself while cleaning the house. Oh the joys of a good vacuum. Paid bills. On my laptop - never using one stamp or licking a single envelope. Had questions on my phone. Considered going to the AT&T store but instead just googled it and watched a quick, informative video on YouTube. Learned that I needed a card reader, dreaded going to Walmart to get it. 2 minutes and $3 later, a lucky seller on ebay was shipping me one. Looked at all my bank account balances and insured I'm where I thougth I was. Yep. Ran errands in a reliable car, while continuing to listen to Spanish CD's. Had an insight, paused the CD for a moment to record it on my iphone, which I will later sync to my laptop - where I will transfer it to my online journal. Mmmm... my online journal...



You see! The list goes on and on! Technology touches our lives in ways we don't even notice half the time, and it makes multi-tasking possible at an entirely new level, never before known to man! From the basics of electricity and plumbing to the beauty of useful gadgets that make life "easier" (if we ever actually learn how to USE them). My #1 gadget, without a doubt, would be my iphone. If you don't have one... get one! You can thank me later.

It's a good time to be alive.

Becoming Spiritually Refined

It's a new year, my friends, and this girl has a lot to look forward to! Of the many lessons ahead, top of the list is spiritual refinement.

The word "refine" is simply beautiful. To reduce to a pure state; to purify, to free from coarse, unsuitable or immoral characteristics. Refinement encompasses change and adaptation, designed to improve performance and increase efficiency. Yet it does not come easily! Like any thing worth obtaining, it requires hard work, consistent attention and patience. It is truly a life-long pursuit, as there is no summit to be reached.

Over the last few months, I have learned that refinement is most certainly realized in the furnace of affliction. (1 Ne. 20:10). Though there may be moments of loneliness and moods of despondency, I relish in the furnace I am currently in, for it has created a deeper desire to become my best self. I have no doubt that there will come a day when I will look back at this period in my life and long for it, as twisted as that may sound.

We are all experiencing our own "furnace of affliction," yet we can find comfort in the fact that as we press forward and endure the bitter we are always met with an indescribable sweet, simply awaiting our arrival.

In my quest for spiritual refinement, I have "kicked-off" 2010 by creating a second blog - consisting of spiritual thoughts and insights. Expect nothing astounding, my hope is simply to spend more time pondering and slow down enough to record a few insights. In doing so, perhaps I can leave this life a bit more "refined."

A New Beginning

To leave the old with a burst of song,

To recall the right and forgive the wrong,

To forget all things that bind you fast,

To the vain regrets of the year that's past.

To have the strength to let go your hold

Of the not worthwhile of the days grown old,

To dare go forth with a purpose true,

To the unknown task of the year that's new.

To help your brother along the road,

To do his work, and lift his load,

To add your gift to the World's good cheer,

Is to have, and to give - a Happy New Year!

- Agnes Foth

May I better live the words above.

Forgive, press forward and serve with love.
Happy New year!