A Touching Moment

Monday I went to get my brother from the Salt Lake City airport, as he had just arrived for my little sister's wedding. While I was diving along the pickup area, my heart was touched as I witnessed an incredibly poignant scene unfold before me.

An ecstatic woman, probably in her 30's, burst out of her car and jumped into the arms of her returning solder, all in one sweeping motion. For a split second her legs desperately searched to be closer to him, nearly climbing up his own, until they found their rightful place around his waist. He held her and stumbled for a moment, laughing, until he was forced against the car in an effort to keep his balance. I felt their raw, unbridled emotion as they remained tightly embraced and smiling, swaying gently back and forth. They thought nothing of the people around them, and carried on in overt affection.

For a moment I felt out of place, as if I was witnessing something I wasn't privy to. A peeping Tom of sorts. Yet that didn't stop me from watching. I was about to honk in approval but in a split-seconds time I decided against it. I'd best let them savor this moment with no distractions. It was not my place to participate. I decided I'd just have to settle with blogging about it instead. As I was forced to move forward with the flow of traffic I was disspointed to realize that I would miss the rest of the story. With a cheesy smile on my face, tears began to flow. I wished so badly that I could have captured that moment on camera - for them to replay again and again. It was beautiful and their love was palpable.

THANK YOU to the many courageous men and women who serve our country and the strong family members who stand behind them. I pray that you may enjoy this Christmas season in a special way this year.

3 years ago today...

Today is a special day. Three years ago, today, I went through the temple and received my endowments. It was one of the best days of my life, full of indescribable peace and joy! Though I did not know what to expect upon entering, I knew I would feel the Love of God. I was not disappointed in the least.

My little sister "went through" the same day, and my big sister Angie accompanied me as my escort. As the session was preparing to begin, I remember looking around the room and growing in anticipation and excitement, as my eyes met each familiar smile. With so many friends and family present, the love was palpable and my was heart was consumed with joy and inundated with gratitude.

It was an incredibly beautiful day.

Afterwards, I remember my mind going a million miles an hour, as I felt the windows of heaven had been opened unto me. Not so much because of anything I had learned, rather because my heart was touched in such a way that even the most basic principles hit me in a new light. A light I could never delineate, should I try. I rehearsed the things I had learned over and over in my head and pondered endlessly on meanings - yearning for the day I could discuss them with Chris. For days (or weeks) I would fall asleep pondering and awake pondering, constantly basking in a state of meditation. I was beyond exuberant. The very memory of it fills my heart and makes me smile.

And so today I went to the Okur Mountain Temple to celebrate (mind you I passed up $15 tickets to an incredible powder day at Brighton.... so worth it)! The peace I felt today was the same peace I felt 3 years ago, and the same peace I feel EVERY time I attend. God is good like that. :)

As I look back to 3 years ago, my only regret was how quickly I returned to the "swing" of life. It was a special time, where I was striving for purity and aiming to live a higher law every minute of every day. I succeeded at this for a time, and then I decided to cram 4 seasons of "24" into one week. I remember feeling the spirit withdraw and thinking to myself, "It's ok. I'll refocus when we're done. For now this is just fun to be with Chris." I never quite regained my original vigor and zealousness.

This is a lesson I've decided to apply to my current state in life. My divorce has gifted me a deeper understanding of my divine worth and eternal potential. I have a new ambition to become that which I've always visualized I would someday be. I, once again, feel the windows of Heaven have been opened. And so, today, I begin a 3-month challenge to cling to the Lord in an effort to delay returning to the "swing" of life; A sure-step to shun complacency. A 90-day mission of sorts, where I focus daily on reaching outside of myself and savoring the unique opportunity I find myself in. I have come to a resolute conclusion that this time around I will relish in my growth, and linger in contemplation.

Lesson learned. Lesson applied. Happy Anniversary. :)

Hope in the Lord

I've pondered this entry for weeks. Not what to say... but HOW to say it. Life has taken a strange and sudden turn, yet it's something I must share. Surely there are those who might gain strength from my experience.

Perhaps it's time to re-evaluate life.... to step back and remind ourselves of what matters most... to insure we are building a foundation upon the Rock of our Redeemer. As with anything worth having, this foundation does not come easily and can not be built in a day, yet one will never regret having built it... especially when the tide rises. (And the tide ALWAYS rises). There will come a day when frothy, violent waves crash down upon you. There will come a day when a sinister storm rises against you with a devious smile, laughing while it thrusts you into near darkness - winds screaming in your face and rains thrashing at your heart.
For me.... that day has come.

On Sept 22nd 2009, my wonderful husband of nearly 8 years blindsided me when he told me he no longer loved me and was leaving. I was beyond shocked. I had thought our marriage was perfect, minus the natural adjustments that come with being new parents. I truly led a blessed life, and I acknowledged the Lord daily for that. In fact, according to the world you might say I had it all. Cars, toys, investments, homes, an abundance of free time, and the ability to buy whatever I wanted whenever I wanted (luckily I was frugal and wanted very little). I was certainly grateful for these things... but at the end of the day I knew without a doubt that THINGS didn't matter. "I'm just grateful to have a healthy baby and a husband who loves me. What more could I want?"

The divorce was short. Very short. He had no interest in separation, he just "wanted something different" and was eager to "move on." I went from happily married to divorced in 6 weeks and I quickly became a better person. As I was stretched and extended, I choose to become pliable in the Lords hands, rather than hard and brittle. What ensued was beautiful.

I always imagined a woman in my position must come out torn to shreds and feeling hopeless - embarrassed at the predicament she's been placed in. I was so very wrong. In fact, I've never been more confident. Experience has proven that confidence is an immutable result of one's thoughts. And so I turned to the Lord, putting the affections of my heart upon him, and he has shown me His tender mercies. I have come out stronger than I ever fathomed I could be, and with no amount of incertitude or reservation all credit is given to Him. He is magnificent. An hour doesn't pass where I am not grateful for the gospel and the "rock" and foundation which it has provided in my life.

As this new chapter in life begins I look forward to the growth and journey that awaits and feel blessed beyond words for the opportunity to someday become sealed to my little Gracie!