Emotionally Unavailable

Emotionally unavailable. That's what I am. I know, I know... you're wondering about my love life but don't dare ask. Here it is.

I've never experienced love with a man who lays his heart entirely on the table. Until now. He gives completley and his willingness to allow such vulnerability has left me in absolute awe. I find it wondrous, courageous, heartening and simply beautiful, on a most spiritual level. I am the woman of his dreams, and he makes it well known - and often. I've never been so cherished or received such praise and sincere admiration, nor has a man ever opened his heart so willingly, knowingly taking the risk that it might get hurt. There is no emotional withholding, and his ability to love without reserve is truly magnanimous. I only wish I had the same courage.


I don't. Not yet. And so I let him go. I pray I don't regret it.

It's not fair to him, to bask in the comfort and love he provides, when I know deep down that I can't give that in return. I'm simply unavailable. Emotionally. I can give to a certain point, but it stops there. Sadly, it took 4 years of marriage to give entirely - to allow utter vulnerability, and to fully trust the man I loved - and trust I did. Four years is too long. Next time I will give that on day 1 of marriage, and if I'm not ready do that, then I'm not ready for marriage.

I'm alone. Again. I'm choosing to use this time to better myself, as I prepare to be the kind of woman a man like him deserves. I will be forever grateful for his love, and the astounding man he is!