I'm baby hungry.
I never understood the phenomenon until I had a child of my own. In fact, I couldn't even fathom the hunger. Now I get it. Now I've got it. Nothing compares to those first 6 weeks and the majestic reverence a new-born brings to life. I crave that presence and find myself tearing up
at every newborn picture I see. Married nearly 8 years, and it isn't until divorce that I finally experience baby hunger. Ironic.
I miss my husband.
A rarity. I say husband because it's my husband I miss... not my x husband. The divorce was short, but far from sweet. The revealing process left me feeling as if the man I loved had passed away. In this moment I miss that man. I miss the friendship, the playfulness, the conversation, the laughter and the constant time we shared together. My mind strains to find those memories, now concealed under the heavy shadow of our last six weeks together as husband and wife; Yet once in awhile they come out of hiding, and in a split-second's time inundate me, reminding me of what life was like with my him. I miss those times.
What lies ahead.
I'm not dating. (At-least I'm trying not to). What's the point? I need to heal, and dating is not congruent with that goal. It would allay my loneliness, but to no avail. I'm not ready for marriage, hence, dating is futile. I desperately crave companionship, but I must resist. For now. I've been given a small window of opportunity to really focus on me - and that's exactly what I'm doing. I imagine marriage is quite far away, yet I can't imagine myself in this place much longer either. What will tomorrow bring? Isn't life interesting, with it's little twists and turns?! Now I'm just hanging on for the ride!
2:22am.
Tomorrow is here. I'll make the most of it, waiting patiently for the day after tomorrow. Now sleep.
About Me
- Natalie
- As a recent divorcee I've had the opportunity to discover who I truly am. I've surprised myself. I'm better than I thought I was. This much I know: I am a daughter of God and the mother of Gracie. He gives me hope and strength while she gives me the desire to become my best self. I have been saved by Gracie.
90 DAYS OF HEALING
Spiritual Insights
8 comments:
You are right the first six weeks are the best - I have said over and over again - I want to go back to Labor and Delivery and go to six weeks and then rewind . . .
I know the feeling of being baby hungry and not being able to act on it.
I keep you in my prayers always! Chin up my love - the Lord has something far more special in mind then you can imagine!
Natalie we're thinking about you and praying for the comfort and peace of Heavenly Father to help you during this difficult time. What an amazingly strong person you are!
NOOOOOOOOOO!!! :)
I understand the baby hungry feeling. I've never been baby hungry until Kaitlyn was born and I'd tied my tubes! Of course my health has to come first, but I thought it was interesting for that feeling to come later!
(((hugs))) This too shall pass.
Glad you're focusing on yourself. That's exactly what you need. And no more staying up until 2 am blogging. That just gets all kinds of crazy thoughts in your head. Okay, I'm done nagging!
I love your honesty. It makes your post all the more heart wrenching and touching. We would know a lot more about eachother if we all blogged at 2 a.m. when all our walls are down and all that's left is the deepest desires of our heart. Which, in your case, I have no doubt will all come to pass. One day all those holes will be filled again. Hang in there sweetie.
I have been sitting here reading your blog for at least 30 minutes now and I truly feel that I am a better person for it.
You are a beautiful person Natalie...inside and out...and one very incredible mamma.
I am sorry for all that you are having to go through at this time. Please know my prayers are with you and your sweet little girl.
When my sister went through her divorce she said it would have been easier to have her husband die than to go through the pain of a divorce. It's amazing the effect agency has on us...it's powerful!
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