Saved by Gracie

Goodbye Blogspot. Parting is such sweet sorrow.

2010-11-14T18:26:00.011-07:00

I've put this off for far too long, hoping it would somehow make it easier. It hasn't. Strangely, I feel like I'm loosing a little part of myself, even though so much will remain the same.

You see... I'm biting the bullet and transferring my blog from .blogspot to .com. I will no longer be posting content here, so if you like what you've read, you'll have to follow me at www.savedbygracie.com. Please change it in your RSS feed, and update my link on your site, if you happen to have one.

A year ago I had no idea how to use blogspot, and now it has become one of my best friends (sad I know). I've reveled in the simplicity of it - a freely hosted source where I can record my thoughts on any and everything, anytime. With 4 public blogs and 3 private, I've developed a love affair I'm finding hard to let go of. Yet, the time has come. Like a kid going off to college, I've decided to cut the blogspot umbilical cord. See ya on the other side!

A cry-fest with Josh

2010-11-12T21:19:00.009-07:00

Some songs are worth putting headphones on for. Josh Groban's "When you say you love me" is one of those. I identify with the lyrics, in perfect unison. "When you say you love me, the world goes still, so still inside. And when you say you love me, for a moment, there's no-one else alive." Incredibly moving, and it begs the question, "Is there any high greater than falling in love?" I think it makes the dating game all worth it, despite the twists and turns, and disappointing (and surprise) endings.

Now there is no smooth segway here - so let me abruptly announce that I have not cried in 3 weeks. Maybe 4. I might be lying. Possibly 2. Regardless, it's been a long time. lol In fact, it wasn't until 3 days after, that I realized I hadn't even cried on my one year anniversary. (Or as my friend Amy calls it, ""divorciversary".) I guess I was too busy driving the strip with my new buddy, Dave, and enjoying Vegas from the back of a motorcycle with my gracious friend Jack. Dinner and a movie ended the night beautifully. I didn't cry because, apparently, there was nothing to cry about. What a great place to be in!

Which leaves me confused. Tonight I have nothing to cry about, yet I decided to let loose and allow a few tears to hit the ground. It felt great, so I'm convinced crying is a necessity for my health. If you haven't had a good cry in awhile, I suggest you give it a try! Just make sure to have Josh Groban blaring through your headphones. He takes a cry-fest to a whole new level.

You're welcome.

Sometimes I worry

2010-11-10T11:58:00.005-07:00

7 lessons I've learned, that I didn't know a year ago.

2010-11-06T13:01:00.002-06:00

#7: Alone time is rejuvenating
I never made time for it in marriage, but in the last year it's been abundant, and I've learned to appreciate it. I've enjoyed getting to know myself better; to really soul search and discover what I want, who I want to be, and what inspires and drives me. Being alone has taught me that I love writing, and enjoy reading. It's also taught me that I care nothing for television and would rather stay up late cleaning my house than clubbing or going to a party. I know myself better than ever... but of course I do! There's nobody I spend more time with.

#6: People treat others the way they feel about themselves
I've always heard this, but it wasn't until this last year that I truly grasped it. My actions will never control or change another person - they will treat me as good, or as poorly, as they feel about themselves. I've always been a people-pleaser, but now I realize that pleasing everyone, and striving to reach my potential can never be in the same equation. Some opinions are worth holding onto, but the highest valued is that which I hold of myself.

#5: Healthy independence is empowering
Being single has forced me to develop small skills I had overlooked, and doing so has strengthened my confidence. I've gained tons of technical knowledge, discovered that the vacuum kills spiders just as well as a husband, and that fixing a clogged sink isn't so hard after all (just stinky). I should be embarrassed to admit this... but I had never driven through a parking garage on my own, and rarely filled up my own car with gas. I had never driven downtown alone, and only braved going to the same three or four places in the valley. Now I don't even hesitate to drive, including long road trips out of state. Funny, how learning one small skill can be so empowering.

#4: I can trust my own instincts
Decisions have always been hard for me, and in the past I relied heavily on the approval or permission of others, namely my spouse. Now that I have only myself to run ideas past, I've gained greater confidence in my ability to choose well, and to choose well often. I've also learned that the Lord will never make a decision for me, no matter how much I plead. I have to determine what I really want, act accordingly, and wait for Him to sanction it or leads me to a better path. In learning to trust myself, I've found liberation.

#3: Great relationships require great communication
I've never been a fan of confrontation, but it's a necessary evil and the price to pay for healthy relationships. I've learned to be more assertive, less passive, and only somewhat aggressive. (Always a work in progress lol.) It takes time, and work, but addressing a problem is far better than letting resentment fester. Remember, ultimately, people treat you the way you allow them, so if you don't like being stepped all over, belittled or disrespected ... stop allowing it! Lovingly speak your mind and patiently work toward a conclusion. You just might be surprised by the outcome.

#2: Women need each-other
I've discovered the joy, and necessity, of girlfriends and the fulfillment that can found from a girl's night out. I've learned of my dependence upon good friends, and the void they fill that a husband never could, nor was he ever meant to. I've learned to ask friends for help, and rely on them through my lowest lows. As I've branched out and made new girlfriends, I've found a satisfaction that I never knew before, and I couldn't be more grateful

#1: It's all about patience, and trusting in God's timetable
I'll admit, I'm not crazy about this phase of life. But... I've found great fulfillment in trying to make the best of it and living in the present moment, rather than waiting around for the future to arrive. As my friend Tisha says, "The good ol' days are here and now." When I find myself consumed with fears of the future, I remind myself that the Lord has an ineffable love for me, He wants my happiness and has a plan in place which will unfold on His own timetable, contingent upon my righteous efforts. Until then, I must trust that I'm exactly where He wants me to be, so I can become exactly who He needs me to become.

SavedByGracie.com - Join me in the journey

2010-11-03T11:37:00.001-06:00

I had limited time to make this video, but if I could re shoot I would add: Healing has not come easily! Depression has certainly played its role, and I've had to make a conscious effort to fight my lows on a daily basis. There were plenty of days where I wanted nothing more than to lie in bed and feel sorry for myself. (I still have those days.) Loneliness has been a frequent companion, but I trust as I try to heal in a proper manner, it will be replaced with a healthy future. I know the lows... but I try not to let them get me down. Sometimes they win. Today, they didn't.

If I can do it... YOU can do it! You've got this.

Running in Snow

2010-10-27T14:52:00.008-06:00

I was surprised and ecstatic over this morning's greeting. FRESH SNOW - and the first of 2010!! I couldn't help but fantasize about carving through fresh powder, and working on my goggle tan but, since that's several weeks away, I decided I'd settle for the next best thing. A run.

I love running in the Summer, but snow invites a new kind of energy, unmatched by any other time of the year. The cold air, the warm sun and the sounds of dripping water guarantee to imbue me with ambition and vitality. No matter the time of year, my running trail leaves me beatified and, frankly, I shrink at the thought of ever moving. This is one of those trails I can't take with me, ya know. lol So, until that time comes, I'm gonna savour running here every chance I get. Spring, Summer, Fall and perhaps even Winter. :)

The little joys of motherhood!

2010-10-26T15:00:00.008-06:00

I'm not sure a child has ever loved binkies as much as my child. She ALWAYS has at-least one in her mouth and one in her hand - sometimes three or four. I'll take her binkie from her and, without skipping a beat, she'll immediately pop a new one in her mouth, which she'd been hiding in her other hand. Although this makes me giggle, it's a habit I need to break her of... so when I find a way to distract her from her binkies, I take it.

Today she started a new game. Put the binkie down mommy's shirt. Not entirely appropriate, but it served for a great distraction! She was enthralled for a few short minutes, and giggled as she put her 3 favorites in her new found hiding place. Moments later the game had gotten old, and she moved on to the next best thing. The day continued. I fed her, played with her and cuddled her before nap time. As I was cleaning my house, JUST NOW, I noticed a nagging itch on my chest. I went to scratch it, only to discover a yellow binkie still hiding down my shirt. I laughed out loud and found myself delighted over the discovery.

I am SO a mom! I had no idea sticky doorknobs, crayon-covered walls and snot on my left shoulder could be so fulfilling! I wouldn't have it any other way!

Growing pains

2010-10-12T16:03:00.009-06:00

Being an adult is no fun. It comes with trials. Not just little bumps in the road, but gapping chasms we must face and cross every day, for the rest of our lives. They become a part of us - a reality we can either fight or embrace. And while things may seem easy for a period of time, it only takes one change to alter our entire life, and it's usually something we never saw coming. Whether through our own choices, the choices of others, or simply the surprises life hands us, change will come.

This is something I've thought a lot about lately, and a fact I'm trying to embrace as I deal with my x weekly, and will likely do so for the rest of my life, or at least for the next 17 years. We're amicable for the most part, but it's still a change that takes getting used to. A change that will never go away. That's part of being an adult. I have two sisters in Kentucky, and both have a handicapped child. The frequent hospital visits, daily treatments and endless medical bills are simply a part of life for them. They're amazing! I don't think I could handle it, but that's part of being an adult. I just learned my childhood friend's wife had cervical cancer and now suffers from frequent seizures. Thankfully he has family near to help, but his lifestyle has been altered forever. That's part of being an adult. A divorced friend is nearly a hundred-thousand dollars in debt because of custody battles, and after 8 years of going back and forth there is still no end in sight. She has no choice but to deal with it. That's part of being an adult.

I guess part of being an adult is dealing with adult trials. They're no fun, but they sure are growing!

He's impressivly persistent

2010-10-08T10:36:00.005-06:00

Am I the only one who thinks a marriage proposal over email is weird? It doesn't count... right? And to nullify it further, he and I haven't spoken in years, nor have I heard from him since I was a child. Suddenly he wants to get married!

I politely declined, informing him that I was dating someone and very happy. (It was true).

Today I get a call from an unknown number. I decide to brave it, so I answer. "Natalie? This is 'Bob,' I sent you an email awhile ago?" "Yes, yes. Hi Bob! How have you been?" "Good, good. (small talk and blah blah blah). I was just wondering. If I had a good paying job and a big house, would you marry me then?"

UH... AWKWARD.

"No, Bob. I'm sorry. I wouldn't." "If you marry me, I will cook for you every night, and do all the cleaning."

MORE AWKWARD.

"Thank you, but I'm just not interested." "Do you think if I came up there (He's from out of State) that we could date a little?" "No. I'm sorry." "Well. What can I do to make you love me?"

2 minutes later I politely got off the phone. Poor guy.

I call my mom, appalled at the nerve! As she was laughing, my brother called. "Did you give Bob my number?" I asked. "Bob? Bob who." A few minutes later it rang a bell. No. No he didn't give Bob my number. I told him what had happened, and he got a good laugh out of it. As we were talking Bob called twice. Persistent. I ignored him. We hung up and a few minutes later my brother called again, "Hey! I know what you should say next time Bob calls!" He started into some funny remarks, when my phone beeped AGAIN. It was Bob. ... AGAIN!

"I better get this. It's Bob and he's not gonna leave me alone, until I tell him to." I switched over. "Hello?" I said, overtly irritated. "It's still me," replied my brother. The swap must not have gone through. I looked at my phone to try again, only to see that it HAD gone through... and I WAS talking to "Bob."

My brother and I died laughing, as it all began to add up.

Weeks prior mom had told him about the email proposal (which was not a prank) and my brother immediately began scheming a prank call. Since I haven't heard Bob's voice in over 10 years, my brother figured I would be none the wiser... and he was right. He called from a different number, disguised his voice and, the best part is mom was listening on the other line, laughing hysterically while on mute.

Dungeon to palace. Well... enjoyable, anyway.

2010-10-01T22:50:00.014-06:00

It's official. I've finally started remodeling that dungeon I call a basement. I've never liked my basement, and the bland color lends no energy whatsoever. In my marriage I spent several hours a day down there, working beside my x and watching tv with him at night. Now I'd be stretching it to say I've been down there more than 7 hours total over the last year! I don't watch tv, I rarely watch movies, and the best excuse I've found to venture down there is to throw more crap into "storage." Thus, it has become a big storage room.

With winter around the corner, I'll be using the blessed treadmill, so I decided it's time to make my basement a place I enjoy spending time in. These are the color schemes I'm toying with. The shades aren't quite right, but you get the idea. I'm leaning toward the blue and brown. Yeah it's overused... but it's a nice (and drastic) change from the current banal beige. What do you think?

Top of Utah... Top of endurance

2010-09-20T08:17:00.012-06:00

Last December I committed to run a marathon in 2010, and it almost got away from me, had it not been for my cousin Kara giving me a little nudge. I finally signed up last month, and ran it this weekend! It was short notice and inadequate training, but I knew with winter around the corner if I didn't do "Top of Utah" I wouldn't meet my goal this year.

I was surprised with the anxiety proceeding the race, and almost dropped out a week prior in fear of injuring myself. Instead I decided to pamper myself along the way by running at an easy pace with plenty of Gatorade, Gu and walking every two miles. I had to stop 5 times over the last 6 miles (potty-breaks), but I can say I "endured to the end," and finished strong - my last mile ran in less than 8 minutes. Overall I'm pleased. My goal was to simply finish, and 4:45 would have left me content, so I was surprised to do it in 4:10! Now I know what to expect for next year, and running it in under 4 hours is the goal. It was both scenic and spiritual, the first 13 miles through a canyon of beautiful changing fall colors.

Most of all, I was incredibly touched by the support I received from friends and family. I saw my cousins at the start line and had dinner with them the night before! I stayed the night with my friend Liz, who rode up with me and ran the race as well - giving me support and encouragment. My parents were there, cheering me on along with my sister Makenzie and, of course, my little Gracie! Jessica and her husband surprised me, as did the wonderful man I had been dating. He was at the finish line with amazing flowers, motivating me to give the final quarter mile my all. I'm so glad I did! My body aches and my legs are weak... but what an amazing experience! Hopefully the first of many.

Changing colors

2010-09-17T10:48:00.007-06:00

I was out running last week, when my eye caught the first colors of Fall along my path. The sun was just beginning to set, and the scene was simply breathtaking. It was the only tree within 5 miles to have changed in color - and it couldn't have been in a better location. I had my phone with me so I took a quick picture and relished in the moment.

Can anyone wonder why I love running this path? Beautiful, right?!

Though I would enjoy a steady 70 degrees year-round... each season brings its own kind of beauty and a new appreciation. Regardless of what I do, seasons will come and go in the very order they were meant to. I'm certain my next run will be lined with red trees and, not too long from now, snow. Until that first snowflake arrives, I plan to enjoy theses changing leaves.

THIS is why I love my freezer!

2010-09-14T13:06:00.013-06:00

My little dishwasher has been working overtime, and every clean rag in my home is officially dirty. The last 2 days I've found ambition during Gracie's naps... and my feet are swollen to prove it. (Apparently I don't do well on them for very long). It's been a while since I've had a good cooking session, so I decided to do a little OAMC (Once a month cooking). I began experimenting with frozen meals right before Gracie's birth, because I knew it would come in handy with a small family and a tired momma. For a small family it's smart. For a single lady it's invaluable.

This cooking spree includes 8 recipes, only a few of which I doubled - but if I had a family I would double everything and freeze half for later. I found chicken and beef on sale, so I made recipes consisting of both.

I estimate a cost of about $55 in groceries - and 45 1-person meals! I doubled the meatloaf and chimichangas, and I consider my portion sizes generous. Eating out is all too easy, and the average spent per meal is $7. ...$12 for "real" food. My freezer meals come to just over $1 per meal, saving me $270-495!!!

MY MEALS: (and the recipe link to each)
Meatloaf and potatoes: I make slightly bigger meatloafs and use savory instead of sage. Freez potatoes in ice-cream scoops on a saranwrap-lined cookie sheet, then wrap both meatloaf and potatoes individually with saranwrap. I reheat both for 1-1.5 min in microwave, unwarp and they're good to go.

Red Curry and Yellow Curry over Rice. Frozen rice is a staple in my home, and I HIGHLY recommend it! I've never done it with brown rice, but jasmine and long-grain are perfect. I freeze the curry's flat, in a quart-size zip-lock freezer bag, and they reheat just like new in 3-5 minutes.

Scalloped potatoes & ham: Once well cooled, I cut into portion sized squares and freeze them on a lined cookie sheet, then wrap each individually - storing all in a large zip-lock bag. Reheat in saran wrap for 1-2 minutes.

Pasta E Fagoili Soup: DO NOT add the pasta! It will dry it out horribly in freezing and reheating. I like adding more V8 than called for. Again, freeze in zip-lock bags lying flat.

Chicken Chimichangas: I freeze these in halfs, by wrapping them once cooled, putting them in a large freezer bag and simply throwing them in the freezer. Reheat in 1.5 min with saran wrap still on.

SECRETS TO GREAT FREEZING: I freeze for convenience! Thinking ahead and thawing is not an option, so everything I make goes straight from the freezer to the microwave. To freeze I line a cookie sheet with saranwrap for easy removal of items and, once frozen, wrap each individually in saranwrap (Small meatloafs, ice-cream scoops of potatoes, chimichanga halves and portion sized squares of scalloped potatoes). When I reheat I leave the saranwrap on, at least most of the time, to ensure edges don't get dried out and crusty in reheating. Most items hot and ready in only 1-1.5 minutes, straight from the freezer. Soups, rice and "saucy" dishes are frozen in quart sized zip-lock freezer bags, which I fill 1/2 full or more and lay flat to freeze. MAKE SURE YOU LABEL EACH BAG WITH THE RECIPE & DATE MADE. To reheat I pop zip-lock bag in microwave for 2-4 minutes and ... whalla. Thawed, heated and ready to eat! I make everything a tad more juicy (soups, sauces, mashed potatoes) because in freezing and reheating they can lose a little moisture. Never refreeze frozen meats. In otherwords, don't make the chicken chimichanges out of frozen chicken and then plan to freeze them. Obviously there are more "secrets" - but if you're scared of freezing this gives you a quick, easy start.

NOW GO OUT AND CONQUER THE WORLD! ... errrrrr.... atleast one OAMC session.

Emotionally Unavailable

2010-09-11T23:07:00.018-06:00

Emotionally unavailable. That's what I am. I know, I know... you're wondering about my love life but don't dare ask. Here it is.

I've never experienced love with a man who lays his heart entirely on the table. Until now. He gives completley and his willingness to allow such vulnerability has left me in absolute awe. I find it wondrous, courageous, heartening and simply beautiful, on a most spiritual level. I am the woman of his dreams, and he makes it well known - and often. I've never been so cherished or received such praise and sincere admiration, nor has a man ever opened his heart so willingly, knowingly taking the risk that it might get hurt. There is no emotional withholding, and his ability to love without reserve is truly magnanimous. I only wish I had the same courage.

I don't. Not yet. And so I let him go. I pray I don't regret it.

It's not fair to him, to bask in the comfort and love he provides, when I know deep down that I can't give that in return. I'm simply unavailable. Emotionally. I can give to a certain point, but it stops there. Sadly, it took 4 years of marriage to give entirely - to allow utter vulnerability, and to fully trust the man I loved - and trust I did. Four years is too long. Next time I will give that on day 1 of marriage, and if I'm not ready do that, then I'm not ready for marriage.

I'm alone. Again. I'm choosing to use this time to better myself, as I prepare to be the kind of woman a man like him deserves. I will be forever grateful for his love, and the astounding man he is!

A picture speaks 1000 words

2010-09-08T09:35:00.005-06:00

Well... maybe just 42. But still. It made me smile. Enough said.

Remember the "cool" guy, who still thinks he's cool?

2010-09-02T18:23:00.015-06:00

I just got a text from a friend: "Lake Powell! 3 helicopters, 30 wakeboats, 6 houseboats and 1 floating dance floor! You're missing out!" Yeah. That sounds like a ton of fun. Dirty dancing? Check. Alcohol? Check. 30 year old frat boys dunking girls under water and sneaking up on them with scary insects? Check. Wait a minute... what am I missing out on again? Oh yeah. A group of 300 doinks looking for a weekend hookup. No thanks.

Either I'm a big fat stick in the mud, or I've matured slightly over the last 10 years - but I'm appalled over the single's world, and lack of decent people my age. What I've discovered, instead, are a bunch of 30 year old frat boys and moms gone wild. Don't get me wrong, I have my share of faults - but if you're a mom, you gave up your chance to party. Get home and be a mom. If a man thinks it's funny to put down the woman sitting next to him, he's not a man. And the woman who continues sitting next to him is not much of a woman - have some self-respect! If you need alcohol to have a good time, you lack intelligence. If you need big toys to impress your friends, well, you probably lack more than just intelligence, if ya know what I'm sayin'. College is over and high school has long passed. Grow up.

I'll be honest, my "single life" has been rather banal thus far, and will continue to be so. I certainly haven't been perfect, but I purposely avoid places where douche-bags congregate. (Sorry, but really! Is there a better word to describe them)? No hot tubbing, no clubbin', no chasing the "bad boy" and no parties. Sure, it would make for a fun night, and certainly beats sitting home alone, but then what?

The quality of man I want won't be found at a place like that. The man I want will call it an early night Saturday, because he has early meetings Sunday. Did I mention I've dated a man like that? Yeah. They're out there.

--- Now, for your viewing pleasure ---

Words for Thought

2010-08-26T00:12:00.003-06:00

I'm a huge proponent of great quotes - I only wish I had more room on my fridge to fit my favorites. Since I don't, however, I'll share this one on my blog, instead. Hope it pricks your heart the way it did mine.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

- Mother Teresa

Enjoying this season

2010-08-19T22:01:00.011-06:00

I was just thinking ...

A year ago, today, my little Gracie turned 6 months old and life was finally starting to feel "normal" again. It was like a breath of fresh air, and an immense burden lifted from my shoulders. You see - my first few months of motherhood were filled with anxiety, something I had never experienced before. This came as a bit of a surprise, but I was determined to overcome it so I began running an hour each day, went on a rigorous diet and started building a new business. My (x)husband was doing his thing (work and a lot of golf) while I was doing mine. It felt healthy, growing independent and strong, while gladly encouraging him to enjoy each day golfing. Most importantly, Gracie had found her routine and I had found mine. Order was restored and I found fulfillment, thanking the Lord daily. Life couldn't have been better.

Today, one year later, I echo those same feelings. I haven't exact direction with my life, but I've found a general routine and, in that routine, daily fulfillment. I can say today, as I did a year ago, that life is finally starting to feel normal again. The last 3 months have gone by quickly, and the last 3 weeks even more so. I enjoy copious blessings and bask in the daily support of loving friends and family. I continue to experience personal growth and self-awareness at a new level, and have gained a certain knowledge of God's love and concern for me. I've experienced love with a man of God, and I now know the strength of being equally yoked. Most importantly... I have a beautiful, healthy, daughter who leaves my heart bursting at the seams every minute of every day - my ineffable joy unfathomable.

The journey may seem never-ending, but the fresh air and lightened burden along the way bring perspective and gratitude to all things. I trust a glorious season awaits... but considering the season I'm in... Life couldn't be any better.

Summer photos

2010-08-11T14:50:00.012-06:00

I am in complete awe at how quickly my little baby is becoming a little girl. She LOVES to play, watch the "big kids" around her, and copy exactly what she sees. This is both adorable and worrisome, but the reward in watching her learn is priceless.

Last weekend we made a last-minute trip to Idaho, and on our way back home we went to Bear Lake. Since it was unplanned we had no bathing suites, but Gracie didn't seem to mind, and it was all I could do to keep her out of the water.

And so - here are a few pictures from our Summer.

An awkward return and renewing resolve

2010-08-02T22:47:00.009-06:00

Dear blog,

I can no longer hide the obvious. We both know I've neglected you these last three months, and it's about time I give you an explanation. The truth is... (Big breath)... I've been cheating. Yep. While you thought I was off working and enjoying my summer with friends, I was actually spending my time with another blog. Nearly every day. I grew and I learned more about myself, but when it comes down to it, I realize you're the original, you're lasting, and you're the blog I love. And so I'm back. I'm sorry if I hurt you, but as I give you my love and attention I hope I can make it up to you.

If you wonder about the other blog you're welcome to read it, but if it pangs you I understand. For the last three months I wrote nearly every day. I still have entries to finish and loose ends to tie up... but really... from here on out I'm all yours. http://90daysofhealing.blogspot.com/

Sincerely,
Natalie

A Mother's Day Surprise

2010-05-13T17:27:00.003-06:00

I just checked my mail for the first time in days, and was surprised to find a Mother's Day card from an anonymous source. (Although his handwriting is so distinct he could never be considered anonymous). I don't know if he reads this blog, or if he would mind my sharing... but it was the most beautiful gift I could have ever asked for, and the cause of many tears.

How blessed I am to have great people in my life! Last Mother's Day I was not given a gift. This Mother's Day made up for it.

My first Mother's Day card from "Gracie"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Mother -

I know many times you have been concerned about my well being and development. You have fretted and stressed about making the right decisions in your life so as to insure that mine would be one of privilege and promise. You have sacrificed, gone without, and lived each day so as to offer me an environment of growth and love.

I know you wondered if I would recognize the love and effort you have poured into my life since that first moment you held me in your arms. You accepted any sacrifice and hardship, but wondered if I would feel and know of the intense and tender love you have for me. Mom, I want to say this to you now - so that you know I appreciate EVERYTHING you have done. I could not ask for a better guide, friend, and mother. You have touched me in a way you can't imagine . I will never forget what you have done or what you are to me.

Forever yours

Your Gracie.

A work in progress

2010-05-13T12:05:00.023-06:00

In March I started a remodel of my home, and worked like crazy for 3 weeks. I lived in my paint-clothes and went days without showering. (So what!? I was a freakin' machine). I planned on posting "after" pictures long ago, but keep putting it off because there are details I want to complete before doing so. I'm realizing that the details will never be finished - so I'd better just post what is done.

To Do:
Make pelmet boxes for front room
2nd layer of paint on kitchen cabinets
Install all cabinet doors
Install hardware on cabinets

Without further ado... my constant work in progress

Phase 1: When I bought my home.
Phase 2: My "married" home
Phase 3: My authentic (single) home

I made this pelmet box by following these directions

... Now to start on the basement... :)

Beyond frustrating!

2010-05-10T23:05:00.009-06:00

No no no no no no no no!!!! I am so so SO bummed! SO BUMMED! I need to rant. It's either type it out or cry it out, so I'm gonna go with type. You can stop reading now - here I go.

My apple mail has been funky lately, so yesterday I took the initiative to fix it, even though I had no clue what I was doing. I decided to be independent and update it on my own, so I did a little research, read a couple articles then followed the directions, switching from gmail POP to gmail IMAP, hoping that would fix the glitch. Things started to get messy with both accounts going at once, so to avoid confusion I simply deleted my original account. Problem solved.

10 minutes ago I realized that, in doing so, I lost ALL of my drafts! I had been using drafts as a quick (and lazy) method to organize my thoughts and inspiration, and had at least 50 letters in there! Unsent letters to my x during our divorce, meant for my journal, inspirational quotes I had gathered, chats I'd copied and pasted that gave me motivation, ideas for direction in my life and how to be the best mother I can be, quick tips and tricks, links to articles to read, things to blog about, history of events for my journal, quick thoughts on Gracie, etc. I can't even begin to express my disappointment!

Now I show 21,302 unread messages, and I don't even care. I'm DONE messing with things - and just happy to know that NOW my drafts will be saved to a server, instead of just my computer. Lesson learned.

C'est la vie.

- randomness -

2010-05-07T21:16:00.015-06:00

I can't get enough! (so unlike me)

I want a bed that inspires me.

Must... Buy. Chopsticks I can actually EAT with.

My new favorite combo. Blue and white. Clean, fresh and happy!

LOVE this photo! Can I please be the girl behind the mask?!

I MUST find this for my Maltese this Halloween

Fo' Shizzle! (I was caught off guard too)
I've been wanting a change to my hair color. I think this might be it...

I'm SO doing this in my basement... Never enough wall space to show-off my Gracie.

I'm excited to fall inlove again. (Not soon - but someday)

I loveth mine angel

2010-04-23T22:58:00.010-06:00

I beseech thee, wilt thou permit me to speaketh my mind? Methinks I am blessed in abundance, with my bairn whom oft lighteth my path, e'en as the glorious midday sun. Wherefore, she doth quench mine anguish and maketh mine heart rejoice. Verily, e'en as I gi' her love, she returneth it o'er 100 fold. Mayhap thou wast privy, but, by your leave, indulge thy cousin, I pray thee. Ne'er hath I been gi'n a greater source o' strength. Methinks there casn't any canker-blossom come betwixt us.

I learned that today was "Talk like Shakespeare Day" and I couldn't resist. Any excuse to talk about my daughter. Hope you had a great "Talk like Shakespeare day" lol. Seriously... who celebrates this stuff? ;)

A "CRAPPY" LESSON IN PROCRASTINATION

2010-04-20T08:19:00.011-06:00

Eight months of dog poo is no small amount! (That got your attention). Allow me to indulge you in a story: (It looks long but is so worth the read).

Picking up "fecal matter" is a repulsive, degrading and downright dirty task - making it far to easy to procrastinate. Last Fall I put it off for several weeks, telling myself daily, "I'll do it tomorrow." Tomorrow came, and my husband surprised me with divorce papers. Suddenly, picking up poo became the least of my worries.

My back yard quickly became a war-zone, perilous landmines scattered within every stepping distance. I ignored it for six weeks as I desperately fought to save my marriage - a fight I lost. I was greeted with winter, and the accumulating landmines were enshrouded under a blanket of beautiful white snow. I was at ease.

Until Spring arrived. With the snow now gone, and the soil heating up, the dreadful state (and smell) of my back yard was apparent, revealing eight months of damage. I knew I had to undertake the daunting task eventually... so I grabbed an old garbage bag and went to work.

Two days later I was done! I stood with pride as I admired the fresh earth and huge bag of poo before me - a testament of the feat I had so "courageously" accomplished. (Imagine head held high, hands on hips, legs planted firm and wide, and chest in air. Yeah. It was good to be me). Now to throw it away.

To throw it away. Hmmm... to throw it away. It was heavier than I had expected. I didn't really take that into consideration during the monotonous two days of work. How was I gonna get it into the dumpster? No problem - nothing a little momentum couldn't take care of. I held the dumpster lid up with one hand while mustering all my strength in the other. Swinging the bag I counted silently, "One...two.." (You see it coming, don't you)?

"SHIIIIIIIIIII....P!" (Only I'm pretty sure I didn't use a "P." In this case, completely appropriate)! I was utterly shocked as the bag ripped open and poo rained down upon me in all its forms; old, new, soft, hard, wet, dry, fresh and composted. The best I could do was to cower, as the final mist of pungent poo settled over me, the acrid smell inundating my unsuspecting nostrils. Of course, the wind was against me, insuring complete coverage. (Hilarious, I know).

I let out a loud and excessively long yell of disgust, as I glanced down my street searching for witnesses. I was alone. Are you serious? Did that really just happen? AND NO ONE EVEN SAW IT?! I burst out laughing, as I began brushing myself off and spitting poo-dust from my mouth, still stupefied over what had just happened. I grabbed my push broom, defeated, and began, once again, to clean up 8 months worth of dog-poo, laughing the entire time.

Moral of the story: Clean up life's poo before it's so heavy you're covered in it! I don't know... that or "Use a hefty bag when cleaning up after your dogs." Either way, you get the idea.

The end.

13 Miles with a Smile

2010-04-17T15:03:00.009-06:00

13.1, actually. I just ran the Salt Lake City 1/2 marathon and have such a sense of accomplishment! I thought I'd only get that from a marathon but I was wrong. I also thought 1/2 marathon would be easy. Wrong again! I was planning on a marathon this year, but in this moment I have a TINY taste of what it would consist of and now I'm not so sure. Who would do that to themselves?!

Ok. I will. (might) Just give me time to recover and get stupid again.

It was so fun to see people from every walk of life: The young and old, thin and not-so-thin, (and the thin-thin-thin), punks and preps, men and women. There were nearly 4400 participants in the 1/2 marathon alone, 2662 of which were women. I came in 1210 place, 469th in women. Amazing? Not really. BUT... My time was 1:55:55 (an 8:51 mile pace), an entire 11 minutes better than my goal! I ran the entire race without stopping once, and I can say I did my best. Therein lies the satisfaction. As I finished up the last mile I kept telling myself over and over, "You'll never regret giving it your all, you'll never regret giving it your all."

I was right.

Those same words have been running through my mind the last 6 months of life. I love Hebrews 12:1 and have it on my fridge: "Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us."

I haven't been entirely consistent nor patient in the race set before me, walking at times and probably even lying down once in awhile. I do, however, have a sure knowledge that if I can just press my way to the top of every hill, giving it my all, there is always relief provided in the much-welcomed downhill. I also have the sure knowledge that at the bottom of every down-hill, the uphill starts. Such is life, and life will never change. We either conquer each hill, or each hill conquers us.

Everyday I remind myself that now is the time to run with patience (trusting God) the race that is set before me....for I will never regret giving it my all.

Thank you to my friend, Catherine, for coming over at 5:30 am to watch Gracie while she slept, for breakfast after, and for stopping the car so I could puke 10 minutes later lol.

WHAT A GREAT DAY! I made a friend in the parking garage and we entertained each other the whole way up. A girlfriend. (Don't be ridiculous). Amy. Thanks to her - I got a picture of my first race. I have a feeling there will be many more to come.

An ugly board with beautiful results

2010-04-10T15:34:00.007-06:00

In 2006 I had an entire "dry-erase board" wall, designated solely for goals. It was unsightly. (It was actually a sheet of shower-wall from Home Depot - about $10. Genius). This morning I woke up thinking about goals, and decided I needed to pull out the "shower wall" again. "But where will you put it? It's so ugly. Wait a minute... who cares! You live alone, put it wherever you want." And so I did.

My bedroom wall now has a grotesque white-board on it - sure to become my secret pride and joy, a source of utter satisfaction. (I pulled out the circular saw and cut it into 3rds so it's not quite so gaudy).

Few things are as rewarding as a goal accomplished. As I was preparing my "goal-wall," I went through past year's goal charts and felt such a sense of pride. It was fun to see all the goals, big and small, I had fulfilled - which left me to marvel over the power of writing goals down. I'm in awe of what can be accomplished when a target is broken down by month, week, day and even hour. From acquiring characteristics to acquiring "things" - the formula proves successful.

Below are 7 goals over the last few years, those which took the most work to obtain and, as I look back on them, created the greatest sense of accomplishment. Funny pattern... THE MORE CHALLENGING THE GOAL, THE GREATER THE SATISFACTION. I wonder if I would have been so persistent, had I not written them down.

2006: Buy a home
2006: Go to the Temple
2007: Get my Realtor's license
2007: Buy and remodel an investment property
2008: Have no debt (except home)
2008: Start a family (originally set in 2006, finally fulfilled in 2009)
2009: Weigh xxxlbs :)

Here's to a fresh board, and a fresh start! Love me some goals! :)

Something worth promoting

2010-04-09T09:12:00.005-06:00

Customer Service is dead. In our fast-paced, high-demand world it seems companies search for any way to save a dime and cut a corner, usually at the expense of customer service. Hence, if a company goes above and beyond they certainly deserve recognition for such.

This is me - giving props to a company I'm extremely impressed with.

It's not often I come across a service that is truly life-changing, but I have to say - LDSjournal.com is one of those! I've been using LDSjournal.com for over a year now and I LOVE IT! I've gotten half of my family hooked and they all agree - IT'S THE BEST WAY TO JOURNAL!

I've had a passion for this service, but it wasn't until last week that I also fell in-love with the people behind the service. I had a question, and they replied within the hour. I elaborated, they replied again... within the hour. This occurred two more times before I got an email with a video attached, a quick tutorial they had made JUST FOR ME! As a visual learner I was very grateful, and especially impressed to see them go the extra mile. I told them so and they replied, "We're glad to hear that it helped. ;-) Feel free to tell everyone that we're the "coolest". Have a great evening!!!"

Everyone: www.LDSjournal.com is the coolest.

A few months ago I met the owner of LDSjournal.com and spent a good 45 minutes talking to him, asking questions, making suggestions and picking his brain. As it stands right now, I believe most people (or everyone) behind the company work as volunteers. Funding is low and it's apparent there isn't a huge stream of revenue, as the service is free. This is one free service I NEVER want to lose, so if the best way I can help is to tell all my friends about it, then that's exactly what I'm going to do! Check them out. Sign up. Use it once or twice and if you don't like it, nothing lost, but I can pretty much guarantee you'll love it!

I could be wrong. It might not be for you. Maybe you LIKE writing for an hour, when you could have typed the same thing in 10 minutes. Maybe you LIKE noticing an error and passing it by, because it's not worth all the erasing necessary to correct. Maybe you LIKE half-finished entries, because you ran out of steam near the end. Maybe you LIKE putting off an entry or accumulating blank spaces, because you want your journal in chronological order. Maybe you LIKE forgetting incredible experiences, because you never found the time necessary to write it all out or you didn't have your journal with you (but of course your lap-top was right by your side).

Come-on! Go check 'em out. It's free, it's fast, it's smart. You can print out a book from your writing, you can tag and categorize entries, you can back-date an entry, search by key-word, edit and easily finish entries. If you like to write beautifully - THIS SERVICE IS FOR YOU. If you like to write short and sweet - THIS SERVICE IS FOR YOU. The upside is obvious, and I have yet to find any downside.

PS - You don't get "Spell check" with a hand-written journal ;)

Saved by Gracie

2010-04-04T18:30:00.007-06:00

HOW I LOVE BEING A MOTHER!!! There is nothing in the world that compares to the euphoric and rewarding moments I share with my Gracie. I cherish dancing with her, sharing a silly giggle, watching her eyes light up in discovery, "chasing" her (both of us screaming), and witnessing her every-day small, yet significant, achievements.

By the end of each day I assess my energy, and if I'm not completley worn out then I know I didn't play hard enough. Suffice it to say, surplus energy is not in abundance - but oh, the satisfaction! (You momma's know what I'm talkin' about).

Although my divorce has produced excruciating heartache and disappointment, it has also yielded some marvelous fruit. The ability to give myself entirely to my daughter is one of them. I'm relishing in the lack of necessity to balance love - to juggle meeting her demands while meeting the needs of a husband. Don't get me wrong, I would be most grateful to juggle both, but I trust that there will be a season for that. Until that season arrives (if ever), I'm savoring my one-on-one time with her and feel quite gratified knowing that she's receiving every ounce of my love, affection and devotion. (This isn't to say I'm a hermit. I've created a well-balanced social life, but at the end of the day I have the duty and desire to love only one person. My Gracie).

In pouring myself into her I've discovered an invigorating strength, which has left me with pregnant anticipation for the future. My ambition has been pricked, and greatness lies ahead. I'm not implying I'm great, rather I've found myself at the bottom of the barrel, with nothing left to give but that darn "greatness" I've never dared pick up. Now, Gracie is my reason to do so.

I'm eternally grateful to my Father in Heaven for entrusting me with her. He knew what was in my future, and he gave me just the "tool" to survive. Not only to survive, but to thrive. I am most literal when I say, "I have been saved by Gracie."

I hope you get a child just like you!

2010-04-02T08:05:00.012-06:00

An angry parents favorite phrase.... "I hope you get a child just like you" And I just might have. I came across a few of my baby pictures and had to smile at how much my little girl looks like me (although I was more of a chunk, thanks to the benefits of breast milk. Gracie was allergic.) Am I the only woman that gets a thrill out of seeing myself in my own daughter?

Let's just hope she didn't get my strong will and stubborn personality. Ok I lie. Secretly I even want her to have that. shhhhh

"MINI-ME, YOU COMPLETE ME!"

Just for me.

2010-03-31T22:08:00.006-06:00

I wasn't gonna tell anyone, but I can't keep it a secret any longer. I'm pretty sure this year's LDS Church lesson schedule was developed directly around me. That's right! Call me narcissistic, but it is what it is. (And you thought you'd be getting a juicy secret. lol Don't worry - I have a few of those too. All in due time my friends, all in due time).

Every Sunday I leave church not only edified, but in complete awe at the lessons given and their poignant relevance in my life. Be it Sunday School or Relief Society, the topic is one that I had either been pondering all week or struggling with all week. Coincidence? Albert Einstein said, "Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous." ... Einstein was a smart man.

And so it is with great anticipation that I look forward to this weekend. The LDS general conference weekend happens twice a year, and always leaves me spiritually obese. (Haha. I had to say it). I remember basking in general conference last October while in the thick of my divorce, confused and scared. Those messages pulled me through, and I'm hoping these messages will push me forward. A little nudge is always appreciated.

If Sunday lessons speak to my soul, imagine the strength to be found in the words of the Prophet and the Lord's disciples. I can't wait to hear what He has in store for me! I am SO GRATEFUL for the gospel and the strength found therein.

The original church of Jesus Christ has truly been restored to this earth, and I am eternally grateful to be a part of it. Learn more about it by clicking here.

Carl's Jr. or 5 Guys? ...The fat truth

2010-03-25T08:20:00.005-06:00

I haven't had a burger for six months, and I hadn't had a burger for a year before that. I don't really care for the greasy, fatty, low quality meat so unless I'm feeling really careless I can't bring myself to force one down.

Tuesday I felt like a burger. Weird. I ignored it, but it came back again. And again. I wasn't feeling particularly kind to myself, so I gave in and went to Carl's Junior to indulge in a jalapeno burger. It didn't stand a chance. I was considering getting another when I asked myself, "Which is better? Carl's Jr. or 5 Guys?" It only made sense to go to 5 Guys to find out.

After wolfing down both burgers, I can say in confidence that Carl's Jr takes my vote. I know 5 Guys is the fresh, real deal... but the melded flavors of Carl's Jr. can't be beat. (And IN-N-OUT is simply overrated so don't even bring them up). This is quite humbling to admit, as I loathe the sexual commercials by Carl's Jr ... but a good burger is a good burger.

2 days later I am still beyond sick! SICK I SAY! My tummy aches and I'm on the verge of puking every couple minutes. It didn't help that I also ate McDonalds and Chili's that day. How can anyone actually function on fast food!? My body hates me and I can't wait for tomorrow, in hopes that I'll finally feel better.

I AM NEVER DOING THAT AGAIN! EVER!

Moral of the story: For every action there is a reaction. Indulge in gluttony and deal with the consequences. Treat your body right and reap the reward. I love how this unchanging principle applies to all things in life and, though we may put off the consequences, they can never be escaped. I thrive off the quest for perfection, and the burger fiasco was a not-so-gentle reminder that choosing otherwise is simply NOT worth it.

Now excuse me while I go run 8 miles.

Evolution of my kitchen

2010-03-22T14:59:00.010-06:00

When I bought my home the kitchen looked like this.

$1500 and A LOT of elbow grease later, it looked like this:

New flooring, new appliances, gave the cabinets a facelift by adjusting, distressing and glazing them then adding molding, changed the light fixtures, painted the walls, installed tile countertops, a bar overhang and a new faucet. YES for less than $1500 INCLUDING appliances.

It currently looks like this:

As part of my healing process I'm making over my home. I've about done with the front room (pictures to come soon) and am finishing up my kitchen. I'm going feminine and a bit more modern, rather than the rustic I originally had.

I'm thinking of making it look like this:

(yes I rigged a photo in iweb lol) I literally beat up the original cabinets so repainting those isn't an option, however, my friend loves my cabinets and we have the same kitchen, so she's excited at the idea of swapping out cabinet doors. I'd have fresh cabinets to paint and she'd get the rustic look without having to do the work.

I'm leaning towards clean, bright white but I could also go a little ivory with glaze overtop - to bring out the ridges. I'm going for a modern but feminine feel

WHAT DO YOU THINK? Switch to white?

A breakthrough in happiness!

2010-03-17T18:02:00.010-06:00

After "remodeling" my home last week (pictures to come soon) I've been on a shopping spree for accessories. The other night I was walking down the isles at Michael's when I saw a little bird. It was SO CUTE I couldn't help but smile as I heard myself say out loud, "Cute!" But I knew I couldn't possibly buy that bird... birds are so trendy. "But wait!" I thought to myself, "I smiled! Who cares if it's trendy, that little bird made me smile. I have to get it!" And get it I did. In-fact, I bought the entire family of birds. And why not?

They make me smile!

Now every time I walk into my front room I smile. This got me to thinking: I've never really paid attention to what makes me feel happy. I've always been so focused on DOING what makes me happy, that I've never considered FEELING what makes me happy.

This has begun a new experiment, and I've found myself spending copious amounts of money on things I love. I look at something, ask how it makes me feel, and then I make a decision; To buy or not to buy. In the past I'd buy something only because it was on sale and "cute enough." Now I find myself buying the thing I really love whether or not it's on sale. These have proven to be wise investments but this practice can obviously get out of hand, so pace yourself and know that a little goes a long way. A $3 bird may be all you need!

...Such a simple form of self-discovery.

Behold, a small taste of things I purchased this week that made me smile:

After such a discovery it only felt right to buy a few things to wear that make me feel happy. I paid close attention, and if something made me smile I knew I had to make it mine. Needless to say... I am one happy girl. (Yes that is a picture of my rockin' body. Never question me).

What makes YOU feel happy?
I challenge you to pay attention to what makes you smile - and then indulge a little. Not only do you deserve it, but you just might surprise yourself.

10 years younger

2010-03-14T11:05:00.011-06:00

Hi. My name is table. (original, I know). 7 years ago my owner rescued me from a yard sale for $10 and has been taking care of me ever since. She has been good to me and patient with my shortcomings, reupholstering my cushions and trying to make me attractive through accessories (table settings). I've never been much to look at, compared to all my friends, but I know deep down that I'm strong and have good character so it's never bothered me. I fit well in my little space and have always been grateful for it.

A few days ago my owner felt I deserved a reward for all my dependable work, so she gave me a face-lift. I can't believe the difference it has made in my life! Now my cushions are big, soft, and plump and my fresh new design has taken years off of me! Needless to say, all my friends are jealous. Eat your heart out.

Natalie's mind at 2:22am

2010-03-10T01:26:00.007-07:00

I'm baby hungry.
I never understood the phenomenon until I had a child of my own. In fact, I couldn't even fathom the hunger. Now I get it. Now I've got it. Nothing compares to those first 6 weeks and the majestic reverence a new-born brings to life. I crave that presence and find myself tearing up
at every newborn picture I see. Married nearly 8 years, and it isn't until divorce that I finally experience baby hunger. Ironic.

I miss my husband.
A rarity. I say husband because it's my husband I miss... not my x husband. The divorce was short, but far from sweet. The revealing process left me feeling as if the man I loved had passed away. In this moment I miss that man. I miss the friendship, the playfulness, the conversation, the laughter and the constant time we shared together. My mind strains to find those memories, now concealed under the heavy shadow of our last six weeks together as husband and wife; Yet once in awhile they come out of hiding, and in a split-second's time inundate me, reminding me of what life was like with my him. I miss those times.

What lies ahead.
I'm not dating. (At-least I'm trying not to). What's the point? I need to heal, and dating is not congruent with that goal. It would allay my loneliness, but to no avail. I'm not ready for marriage, hence, dating is futile. I desperately crave companionship, but I must resist. For now. I've been given a small window of opportunity to really focus on me - and that's exactly what I'm doing. I imagine marriage is quite far away, yet I can't imagine myself in this place much longer either. What will tomorrow bring? Isn't life interesting, with it's little twists and turns?! Now I'm just hanging on for the ride!

2:22am.
Tomorrow is here. I'll make the most of it, waiting patiently for the day after tomorrow. Now sleep.

Life is just better with Friends!

2010-03-05T18:56:00.010-07:00

HOW GREAT ARE FRIENDS?! Aaaaaaaaaaah! (That is a choir of angels singing a high A in unison - opera style - ....in case you were wondering).

Are friends not a complete gift from God? And He has sent me some truly great ones. How very blessed I am.

A few days after my divorce I turned to a scripture that read, "For none of us liveth to himself, and no man dieth to himself." Romans 14:7. I felt it was the Lord's way of saying, "Ok Natalie, you're divorced...now go out there and make some friends." I hesitated, so instead he sent the friends to me. What a gratifying experience it has been, and my cup floweth over! The love that others have shown me is just one more way God has manifested His love for me.

I have three friends in my ward, in particular, who have reached out to me even when I don't want to be reached out to. I've had moments (many moments) where I just want to be alone, yet these women push past my not-so-subtle hints and continue to "pester" me until I hang out with them. :) Aren't we all grateful for friends like that?! I always leave happy, and grateful for their persistence.

Last month I had a horrible day, as I was preparing for Gracie's birthday photo-shoot. I was beyond overwhelmed, when one of these friends just "happened" to stop by to see if she could help me in any way. The next thing I knew, her husband was hemming Gracie's birthday dress (yes, her husband) and she was off to Walmart to buy cake supplies. (Anyone who's willing to go to Walmart on my behalf must truly love me)! She invited another friend over and we made a girl's night out of decorating Gracie's cake - ending in laughter and a great mood. Both she AND her husband were an answer to my prayers and I was in tears that night as I thanked the Lord for his tender mercies.

This is just ONE example! I could come up with, literally, hundreds more! Just today I had a playdate at the gateway with a friend I hadn't seen in months. She let me talk her ear off for hours, and I certainly got my feel of "adult time" in for the week. lol. It was EXACTLY what I needed!

On top of strengthening old friendships I've made many new "single" girlfriends as well - GREAT WOMEN - and am realizing that along this journey I am creating and rekindling bonding friendships that will last a lifetime. It is so rewarding.

Simply put: I am grateful for friends. Friends who watch Gracie last minute, friends who invite me over to dinner when I have happened to have a horrible day, friends who give me their old baby supplies, friends who invite me to play games, watch a movie or go to breakfast, who insist I hang out when they know that deep down I'm lonely (even though I'll rarely admit it), friends who drop by just to say hi, friends who recommend an inspired book, friends who offer a listening ear and a comforting shoulder to cry on, friends who have the courage to act on their promptings regarding me, friends who stand as an example of righteousness, and friends who love me and refuse to judge me - despite my blaring faults.

It is so true - that "None of us liveth to himself, and no man dieth to himself."

"I'm on a horse"

2010-02-25T01:01:00.002-07:00

Oh how this makes me smile! Every so often a commercial comes along that is truly noteworthy. May I present... The man your man could smell like.

Let me count the ways

2010-02-21T10:40:00.017-07:00

I love her.

I love how when I growl at her, she growls back
I love how she screams "doggy" each time she sees Riley or Lexi
I love that when I make a new sound with my mouth and she watches with intrigue, and then tries it herself

I love how excited she gets and the way she reaches for me right before I take her out of her crib.
I love the way she says "aaaah-ooooh" when she purposely drops things
I love the way she cuddles against my shoulder when she's tired
I love how she insists on turning the pages every time I read to her
I love moments where we share a fit of laughter , both giggling uncontrollably.
I love how she loses her breath and then giggles when I swing her
I love that she looks right at me as she drops food on the floor, rhythmically, one piece at a time
I love to hear her squeal each time I "chase" her up the stairs
I love how excited she gets each time she hears the Disney sound
I love to hear her contagious laughter when I kiss her neck or raspberry her tummy
I LOVE the way she grabs onto my leg when she wants me to hold her
I love to hear her babble when she wakes up from a nap
I love watching her stare at her fingers, as she moves them in awe
I love watching her discover and learn
I love how proud she is of herself each time she starts plunking the keys on the piano
I love how she squirms when I change her diaper
I love how she plays with my hair when I rock her to sleep
I love hearing her say "momma"
I love to see her "dance" when she hears music
I love her playful squeals when I scare her
I love how she wants to be with me every minute
I love how she looks up at me when I start the vacuum, knowing that I"ll hold and "protect" her
I love dancing with her
I love how she immediately cries and throws a fit when take something away from her
I love the way she holds her hand out to me, fingers spread
I love watching her in a peaceful sleep
...How I love her

Mommy's Birthday Girl

2010-02-20T13:14:00.018-07:00

Gracie Ann.
Life's greatest gift.
Evidence of God's love.

I will never forget the first time I held you in my arms, and the unwavering resolve I gained in that very moment; That my life belonged to you. As that first cry escaped your lips a surge of joy consumed my entire body and I knew life would never be the same. I am so grateful for that fact. You have made me better. You have made me stronger. You have given me every reason to live, and fulfilled the complete measure of my creation. Happy first birthday my little Angel. Mommy loves you.

Photos by MaryKim Photography

Gracie's first step! (yes, STEP)

2010-02-09T13:07:00.008-07:00

My baby girl just took her first step! One. Just one. lol

The last few days she's gotten brave and is constantly standing on her own for long periods of time, but she has yet to muster up the courage to take a step. Well I tricked her, and I tricked her good. (Isn't that what every loving mother does? Trick her kids)?

She was standing on her own and I reached out my hand as if I was about to walk with her. She reached for me and I pulled away by just an inch or two. She stepped towards me ALL ON HER OWN, and in that same moment realized what she had done and dropped to her knees, a bit startled at her accomplishment.

I was cheering ecstatically, as she looked at me bewildered, yet slightly pleased with herself.

Would she do it again? No sir. She's smarter than that. "Fool me once..."

I will have to come up with a new trick. Maybe next week.

Stay tuned. :)

HAPPY NEW BEGINNING

2010-02-08T09:48:00.011-07:00

Today marks what would have been my 8th wedding anniversary. As I sit here typing, I look out my window and can't help but smile. It's a GORGEOUS day! The sun is brightly shining and every bit of snow is melted. (This is a good thing, until I realize my backyard is full of an entire winter's worth of dog-poo, waiting patiently to be picked up).

I have lunch with my sister today. In an hour, infact. Mexican food. Always appropriate for a fiesta. I'm so grateful for her consideration and look forward to some serious grub. She's my only sibling near-by and has really reached out to me through my divorce, always with impeccable timing.

Since this anniversary fell on a weekday I "celebrated" over the weekend. A dear friend took me out and planned an incredible experience - with less than a days notice.

The day began with a surprise visit to the spa, as he informed me I was getting the "princess package" and would be pampered from head to toe. WAS I EVER! Facial, scalp treatment, manicure, pedicure, hot-stone massage and make-up application. If you've never had a hot-stone massage may I suggest, nay insist, you put it on your "to do" list. Awwwwesome! He waited patiently for HOURS while the pampering proceeded. It was fun to have him by my side, entertaining the "older" women during my manicure, all of whom joked incessantly that he give their husbands lessons in how to treat a woman.

After hours of indulgence, we headed north for a "reservation" he had made. A reservation? In Ogden? We stopped for some quick food along the way, and pretty much inhaled it to avoid being late. Now I was REALLY curious what the reservation was for.

Skydiving. That's right. Skydiving. A vertical wind tunnel that just might have provided me with the most fun I ever had. ...EVER! (The company didn't hurt either). I think the package consisted of two "jumps," but every time I'd leave the tunnel my friend would look at me and motion, "One more?" To which I could never resist. After 30 minutes of this, we decided we'd better call it a day, mostly because my body was shaky from the new sensation. He was so good to me, insuring I enjoyed as many jumps as I could handle. I learned how to have proper form, how to turn, how to rise up and fall quicker, and how to do a front flip and back flip. It was INCREDIBLE!!! I'm hooked, to say the least. He got me the video, so I'll be posting in on here once I figure out how.

During each jump I tried to keep my mouth shut, but I just couldn't help but laugh and yell. Needless to say, I had slobber going EVERYWHERE. I felt sorry for my instructor lol. I laughed over it for hours and the natural high persisted for days. I MUST go again... the sooner the better!

To top off the day my friend surprised me with flowers. Lilies. They're my favorite flower, and have taken on new meaning since my divorce. I cried.

D&C 84: 81-85. For, consider the lilies of the field, how they grow, they toil not, neither do they spin; and the kingdoms of the world, in all their glory, are not arrayed like one of these. For your Father who is in heaven, knoweth that you have need of all these things. Therefore, let the morrow take thought for the things of itself. Neither take ye thought beforehand what ye shall say; but treasure up in your minds continually the words of life, and it shall be given you in the very hour that portion that shall be meted unto every man.

This "anniversary weekend" was the perfect example of my needs being met in the very hour. And today continues to be an example of such. I am BEYOND GRATEFUL for good friends and family.

As was written on the card with my flowers: "Happy New Beginning." New beginning indeed.

How I miss her

2010-01-31T10:10:00.010-07:00

My x-husband and I share joint custody of Gracie. (Such a dirty word, "x-husband." I'm still getting used to it. I'm pretty sure it qualifies as a 4-letter word). He's a great father and adores her, for which I'm very grateful. I have Gracie 2 days a week, he has her the other 2 and then we alternate weekends. This basically ends up being a 2 on, 2 off, 5 on, 5 off pattern. Today is the last day of one of my many "5 off" cycles. OH HOW I MISS HER! It's always hard to be without her.

I'm heartbroken that I must technically miss half of her first 18 years, but whatya do? During the divorce I knew it was only right to share my little angel with her father, for her sake, so joint physical and legal custody was the best choice. No, it's not fair... but if life were fair it wouldn't be called "life." (There are worse trials). She is in my heart and I in hers. She knows who her momma is and she knows she is loved. I trust the Lord will fill in the rest.

I thank Him every day for eternal families. I have no doubt that that blessing awaits my little Gracie and I. Perhaps this life isn't fair, but the next life most certainly will be!

UPDATE: I just got home from church, only to find a few comments on how "strong" I am. lol. Thank you, thank you - but I feel kinda silly, really. The intention of this post was simply to say that I miss my little one. Divorce isn't ALL bad... you see... Gracie will grow up with twice the love and twice the gifts. ;)

A childhood dream

2010-01-28T19:52:00.003-07:00

Karate. That's right. I'm doin' it. Mother by day, young grasshopper by night.

Ever since I was a little girl I've wanted to do Karate, and that desire has carried over into my adult years. It's always been on my, "Things to do in my life" list, so I've decided what better time than now? Sure it took me a month to decide (classic Natalie style) but now the decision is made. *sigh of relief*. I hope I'm happy with my choice of instructor and style. Kenpo Karate.

So far I LOVE it! Not only do I love it... but I'm good at it. The instructor enjoys working with me, and I with him. Grabs, kicks, strikes, blocks... bring it! By next week I should be able to hear a grasshopper at my feet.

Kenpo Creed
I come to you with only Karate, my empty hands
I have no weapons
But should I be forced to defend myself, my principles, or my honor
Should it be a matter of life or death; of right or wrong
Then here are my weapons
Karate
My empty hands

Now if there was just enough time in the week to master everything I want to do in life. "Patience, young grasshopper"

Help in Haiti

2010-01-26T14:02:00.009-07:00

A friend of mine just sent a text saying he's going to Haiti - a last minute and very unexpected opportunity. He flies out in 2 days!!! He doesn't know anyone he's going with, and as for safety it's simply a, "I'll watch your back and you watch mine" arrangement with the new friends he'll make. He'll spend 22 days there and will be bringing back 70 orphans when he returns! My heart aches at the thought of sorrow he'll witness, but surely it will be a moving and incredible life-changing experience!

How I wish I could go. Few of us have the luxury to uproot ourselves from "life" and take 22days to serve in Haiti, however - we can all donate - AND WE ALL SHOULD! This has been arranged by the utah hospital task force and the grand measure of it all leaves me in awe! If you have items to donate or questions regarding needed donations please contact them at info@utahhospitaltaskforce.org

To make a donation online, please visit http://healinghandsforhaiti.org and click on the Paypal button. Under "special instructions" on Paypal, REMEMBER to type in that your donation is for the UT Hospital Task Force.

Eat out one less time this week and donate $10. I dare ya.

My darling little Angel!

2010-01-24T19:54:00.004-07:00

Thank you "A Christmas Story"

2010-01-18T14:12:00.008-07:00

Yesterday I was driving to church when I noticed two boys playing across the street, probably about 9 or 10 years old. They were standing awkwardly next to a metal pole, staring at it while giggling and nudging each other. My instincts immediately revealed what was going on and I could almost hear the "triple-dog dare" escape their lips. lol

After a moment of hesitation, one of the kids mustered up every ounce of little-boy courage he had, and cautiously walked up to the pole, his friend waiting anxiously for the adventure that would ensue. He quickly touched his tongue to the pole and just as quickly pulled it away. His tongue did not stick. Their moment of disappointment was painfully obvious, but lasted for just that. A moment. A half-second later the other boy jumped to the pole and took the challenge, met with the same results. I laughed hysterically as I watched them continue in their fun, each making another two or three unsuccessful, but equally courageous, attempts.

A moment later they were gone, moving on to, what I can only imagine, became the next best triple-dog-dare. Their mischevious excitement was both palpable and contagious, and brought with it nostalgia.

I guess I'm not the only kid who's tried sticking my tongue to a pole. Admit it.... you have too!

Dinner & a movie... with the ladies. HOLLA!

2010-01-16T12:15:00.011-07:00

Last night was a girls night. Woot woot! What started out as dinner at a friend's house, quickly escalated into a night of talking, laughter and bonding. Naturally the conversation of men was addressed, and after our incessant school-girl giggling we determined it was completely necessary to see Robert Downey Jr. in all his glory, so we headed to Jordan Landing to see "Sherlock Holmes." Imagine our disappointment when we learned it was sold out. Really? Sold out? Even my flirting with the ticket-taker (yes, that was his official title) didn't free up any seats. Never fear, it takes more than that to keep us down! We ran home, booked tickets online and went to a later showing at the Gateway.

First movie I've been to in months! It was great and Robert Downey Jr. was incredible, as always. I'm a bit of a geek when it comes to movies, and seem so always find SOMETHING of deeper meaning. Sherlock Holmes was no exception.

The movie begins with Holmes and Watson working on a case in which they quickly come upon their dastardly villain, Lord Blackwood. In his haste to obtain Blackwood, Watson charges to attack him and is abruptly stopped by Holmes. The camera focuses on a long and lethal crystal-clear dagger, inconspicuously held at chest level, pointing directly at Watson. Had he continued in his path, it would have surely been the death of him.

"Holmes, how did you see that?" he asked in awe.

"Because I was looking for it," was Sherlock's cool reply.

Immediately I found myself pondering the significance of this scene. Awe, the hidden daggers Satan continually holds before us. I was reminded of the scripture in D&C: "If thou art not aware thou wilt fall." How very true. To be aware, to be proactive, to recognize Satan for what he is and acknowledge his clever, cunning and concealed weapons.... that... is life.

The night ended wonderfully, with talk of our next "girls night" already in the works. I wouldn't have spent my Friday night any other way. How thankful I am for good friends!

Just to make you smile...

2010-01-13T22:52:00.011-07:00

One of my young women sent me an email awhile back that I found hilarious. Perhaps you've seen some of these, but I felt the need to share the best of the best. Plus I'm a blog slacker so DEAL.

AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE....

Technology + Me = True Love Forever

2010-01-07T12:55:00.017-07:00

Do we not have SO MUCH to be grateful for? It's an amazing time to be alive, and a blessed country to be living in! I often find myself inundated with gratitude, smiling over the little things I enjoy every day. Today has certainly been one of those days. I have so much to be grateful for, but at this particular moment I've chosen to profess my love for technology. :)

So far my day has consisted of the following:
Woke up. (no technology involved). Checked my email in the comfort of my bed - the beauty of laptops. (If my laptop hod not been near I could have used my phone, and usually do). Hopped out of bed and headed to the basement, where I ran on the treadmill while watching a "Timeout for Women" DVD - felt physically and spiritually uplifted. A sensing-strap was across my chest, insuring my heart-rate stayed at my target goal. My phone rang. I answered it. I talked to my mom. Still running. Meanwhile, a little machine was in the other room washing my clothes for me. Wahoo. Done. Stretched. Showered. Running water. HOT water! Got ready for the day. My cheap flat-iron insures I look a little less frumpy. Chilly outside, cranked the heat inside. Hungry - made a shake with my tiny blender in a matter of seconds. Thank goodness for my fridge, keeping the fruit fresh. Turned on my Spanish CD's and "educated" myself while cleaning the house. Oh the joys of a good vacuum. Paid bills. On my laptop - never using one stamp or licking a single envelope. Had questions on my phone. Considered going to the AT&T store but instead just googled it and watched a quick, informative video on YouTube. Learned that I needed a card reader, dreaded going to Walmart to get it. 2 minutes and $3 later, a lucky seller on ebay was shipping me one. Looked at all my bank account balances and insured I'm where I thougth I was. Yep. Ran errands in a reliable car, while continuing to listen to Spanish CD's. Had an insight, paused the CD for a moment to record it on my iphone, which I will later sync to my laptop - where I will transfer it to my online journal. Mmmm... my online journal...

You see! The list goes on and on! Technology touches our lives in ways we don't even notice half the time, and it makes multi-tasking possible at an entirely new level, never before known to man! From the basics of electricity and plumbing to the beauty of useful gadgets that make life "easier" (if we ever actually learn how to USE them). My #1 gadget, without a doubt, would be my iphone. If you don't have one... get one! You can thank me later.

It's a good time to be alive.

Becoming Spiritually Refined

2010-01-03T18:29:00.014-07:00

It's a new year, my friends, and this girl has a lot to look forward to! Of the many lessons ahead, top of the list is spiritual refinement.

The word "refine" is simply beautiful. To reduce to a pure state; to purify, to free from coarse, unsuitable or immoral characteristics. Refinement encompasses change and adaptation, designed to improve performance and increase efficiency. Yet it does not come easily! Like any thing worth obtaining, it requires hard work, consistent attention and patience. It is truly a life-long pursuit, as there is no summit to be reached.

Over the last few months, I have learned that refinement is most certainly realized in the furnace of affliction. (1 Ne. 20:10). Though there may be moments of loneliness and moods of despondency, I relish in the furnace I am currently in, for it has created a deeper desire to become my best self. I have no doubt that there will come a day when I will look back at this period in my life and long for it, as twisted as that may sound.

We are all experiencing our own "furnace of affliction," yet we can find comfort in the fact that as we press forward and endure the bitter we are always met with an indescribable sweet, simply awaiting our arrival.

In my quest for spiritual refinement, I have "kicked-off" 2010 by creating a second blog - consisting of spiritual thoughts and insights. Expect nothing astounding, my hope is simply to spend more time pondering and slow down enough to record a few insights. In doing so, perhaps I can leave this life a bit more "refined."

A New Beginning

2010-01-01T09:38:00.016-07:00

To leave the old with a burst of song,

To recall the right and forgive the wrong,

To forget all things that bind you fast,

To the vain regrets of the year that's past.

To have the strength to let go your hold

Of the not worthwhile of the days grown old,

To dare go forth with a purpose true,

To the unknown task of the year that's new.

To help your brother along the road,

To do his work, and lift his load,

To add your gift to the World's good cheer,

Is to have, and to give - a Happy New Year!

- Agnes Foth

May I better live the words above.

Forgive, press forward and serve with love.
Happy New year!

A Touching Moment

2009-12-23T14:12:00.015-07:00

Monday I went to get my brother from the Salt Lake City airport, as he had just arrived for my little sister's wedding. While I was diving along the pickup area, my heart was touched as I witnessed an incredibly poignant scene unfold before me.

An ecstatic woman, probably in her 30's, burst out of her car and jumped into the arms of her returning solder, all in one sweeping motion. For a split second her legs desperately searched to be closer to him, nearly climbing up his own, until they found their rightful place around his waist. He held her and stumbled for a moment, laughing, until he was forced against the car in an effort to keep his balance. I felt their raw, unbridled emotion as they remained tightly embraced and smiling, swaying gently back and forth. They thought nothing of the people around them, and carried on in overt affection.

For a moment I felt out of place, as if I was witnessing something I wasn't privy to. A peeping Tom of sorts. Yet that didn't stop me from watching. I was about to honk in approval but in a split-seconds time I decided against it. I'd best let them savor this moment with no distractions. It was not my place to participate. I decided I'd just have to settle with blogging about it instead. As I was forced to move forward with the flow of traffic I was disspointed to realize that I would miss the rest of the story. With a cheesy smile on my face, tears began to flow. I wished so badly that I could have captured that moment on camera - for them to replay again and again. It was beautiful and their love was palpable.

THANK YOU to the many courageous men and women who serve our country and the strong family members who stand behind them. I pray that you may enjoy this Christmas season in a special way this year.

3 years ago today...

2009-12-16T21:06:00.013-07:00

Today is a special day. Three years ago, today, I went through the temple and received my endowments. It was one of the best days of my life, full of indescribable peace and joy! Though I did not know what to expect upon entering, I knew I would feel the Love of God. I was not disappointed in the least.

My little sister "went through" the same day, and my big sister Angie accompanied me as my escort. As the session was preparing to begin, I remember looking around the room and growing in anticipation and excitement, as my eyes met each familiar smile. With so many friends and family present, the love was palpable and my was heart was consumed with joy and inundated with gratitude.

It was an incredibly beautiful day.

Afterwards, I remember my mind going a million miles an hour, as I felt the windows of heaven had been opened unto me. Not so much because of anything I had learned, rather because my heart was touched in such a way that even the most basic principles hit me in a new light. A light I could never delineate, should I try. I rehearsed the things I had learned over and over in my head and pondered endlessly on meanings - yearning for the day I could discuss them with Chris. For days (or weeks) I would fall asleep pondering and awake pondering, constantly basking in a state of meditation. I was beyond exuberant. The very memory of it fills my heart and makes me smile.

And so today I went to the Okur Mountain Temple to celebrate (mind you I passed up $15 tickets to an incredible powder day at Brighton.... so worth it)! The peace I felt today was the same peace I felt 3 years ago, and the same peace I feel EVERY time I attend. God is good like that. :)

As I look back to 3 years ago, my only regret was how quickly I returned to the "swing" of life. It was a special time, where I was striving for purity and aiming to live a higher law every minute of every day. I succeeded at this for a time, and then I decided to cram 4 seasons of "24" into one week. I remember feeling the spirit withdraw and thinking to myself, "It's ok. I'll refocus when we're done. For now this is just fun to be with Chris." I never quite regained my original vigor and zealousness.

This is a lesson I've decided to apply to my current state in life. My divorce has gifted me a deeper understanding of my divine worth and eternal potential. I have a new ambition to become that which I've always visualized I would someday be. I, once again, feel the windows of Heaven have been opened. And so, today, I begin a 3-month challenge to cling to the Lord in an effort to delay returning to the "swing" of life; A sure-step to shun complacency. A 90-day mission of sorts, where I focus daily on reaching outside of myself and savoring the unique opportunity I find myself in. I have come to a resolute conclusion that this time around I will relish in my growth, and linger in contemplation.

Lesson learned. Lesson applied. Happy Anniversary. :)

Hope in the Lord

2009-12-07T22:45:00.001-07:00

I've pondered this entry for weeks. Not what to say... but HOW to say it. Life has taken a strange and sudden turn, yet it's something I must share. Surely there are those who might gain strength from my experience.

Perhaps it's time to re-evaluate life.... to step back and remind ourselves of what matters most... to insure we are building a foundation upon the Rock of our Redeemer. As with anything worth having, this foundation does not come easily and can not be built in a day, yet one will never regret having built it... especially when the tide rises. (And the tide ALWAYS rises). There will come a day when frothy, violent waves crash down upon you. There will come a day when a sinister storm rises against you with a devious smile, laughing while it thrusts you into near darkness - winds screaming in your face and rains thrashing at your heart.
For me.... that day has come.

On Sept 22nd 2009, my wonderful husband of nearly 8 years blindsided me when he told me he no longer loved me and was leaving. I was beyond shocked. I had thought our marriage was perfect, minus the natural adjustments that come with being new parents. I truly led a blessed life, and I acknowledged the Lord daily for that. In fact, according to the world you might say I had it all. Cars, toys, investments, homes, an abundance of free time, and the ability to buy whatever I wanted whenever I wanted (luckily I was frugal and wanted very little). I was certainly grateful for these things... but at the end of the day I knew without a doubt that THINGS didn't matter. "I'm just grateful to have a healthy baby and a husband who loves me. What more could I want?"

The divorce was short. Very short. He had no interest in separation, he just "wanted something different" and was eager to "move on." I went from happily married to divorced in 6 weeks and I quickly became a better person. As I was stretched and extended, I choose to become pliable in the Lords hands, rather than hard and brittle. What ensued was beautiful.

I always imagined a woman in my position must come out torn to shreds and feeling hopeless - embarrassed at the predicament she's been placed in. I was so very wrong. In fact, I've never been more confident. Experience has proven that confidence is an immutable result of one's thoughts. And so I turned to the Lord, putting the affections of my heart upon him, and he has shown me His tender mercies. I have come out stronger than I ever fathomed I could be, and with no amount of incertitude or reservation all credit is given to Him. He is magnificent. An hour doesn't pass where I am not grateful for the gospel and the "rock" and foundation which it has provided in my life.

As this new chapter in life begins I look forward to the growth and journey that awaits and feel blessed beyond words for the opportunity to someday become sealed to my little Gracie!

Black Sheep...?

2009-11-26T22:40:00.023-07:00

My little sister is getting married in a few weeks,

so we wanted to make sure her fiance felt welcomed to the family.

In his own little corner with his sad little Dell. ;)

.... WELCOME TO THE FAMILY!

- You COULD say we ganged up on him -

When compassion comes back to bite ya...

2009-11-25T21:07:00.014-07:00

Today I went to pick up Gracie from my x-inlaws. On my way to the side door I was surprised to be greeted by the cutest little mouse I've ever seen. We'll call this mouse Jerry. Jerry was so tiny, I questioned for a moment if he was even real. I quickly realized he was and then I realized how strange it was that I wasn't screaming or looking for a chair to stand on. (Isn't that what I was supposed to do)? He was in the cutest position, sitting on his hind legs with his wee little arms pulled up under his chin. As I looked closer I could see that he was shivering. Only then did I notice the cat. They were no more than a foot apart, just staring at each other. It struck me as so odd.

I realized immediately what was going on and my heart went out to poor little Jerry. I couldn't bear the thought of him being helplessly tossed about, and becoming a cat's favorite new chew toy. I knew at that moment that it was up to me to save him. Sure I could have just shoed the cat away, but that would have been far too easy. Instead, my compassion took over and I instinctively reached down to pick the little guy up, expecting that he would just hop into my hand and I could happily release him in the nearby field (I could already hear Chariots of Fire playing in the background). It now dawns on me that perhaps I've watched a few too many feel-good movies... because I quickly learned that that's not how it works. .... AT ALL!

In a split-second's time I was left startled and confounded as adorable little Jerry betrayed me. How did I not see it coming? He bit my finger and latched on for dear life as my reflexes flung him to the ground. "Little punk!" I yelled. I quickly went in the house, leaving him to fend for himself. That'll teach him.

As I was recounting the story to my x-inlaws I realized just how "smart" I had been... and I have the battle wounds to prove it. I have now asked my family to keep a watchful eye on me, incase I go into convulsions or start foaming at the mouth. What was I thinking?

I was telling a friend the story when he replied, "Women are blinded by compassion sometimes. Much more of a blessing than a curse. Sometimes it does come back to bite you though." Such wit!

Ode to Health

2009-11-19T11:36:00.003-07:00

I was sick last week. Very sick. 103 fever, chills, congested, achy body, coughing, vomiting... the whole sha-bang. It never ceases to amaze me, the gratitude that is born out of such circumstances. Can I just say how wonderful it is to have my health back!?! It's one of the many blessings I take for granted daily - but certainly top of my list of "things I would never want to live without." In fact it may be my #1.

And so my body is recovering. I didn't get in any exercise last week because I was lucky to laugh without hacking up a lung, yet alone RUN. My body felt it and last night my legs were screaming for a good workout. This morning I gave it to them.

What is it about running that feels so good? There's something about pushing myself to the limit and then, right when I think I can't go anymore, pushing myself a little more. I just got done with a rewarding 6 mile run and am stretching as I type. Stretching, texting, typing and playing on the floor with Gracie. What can I say - I'm all woman. ;)

And so I find myself pondering just how far I would be willing to "push" myself. Dare I do a marathon? Of course I "dare"... and I have no problem with the endurance, but I hesitate because, simply put, I'm slow. Slow and I know it. I have my sister to compare to. Angie is a born runner. She has great endurance and keeps a 7+mile pace for an entire marathon. Me? Not so much. So maybe I won't be winning any medals. Maybe I won't be breaking any records or even providing a competition for the girl running next to me. But that's ok. I think it's time to do it. I'm in a new place in life. A place where I get to grow, stretch, and push myself beyond every limit I've ever known. It only makes sense to carry that into my physical life.

I'm committing. I will be doing a marathon in 2010. Anyone else up for the challange? When and where I don't yet know, but don't you worry... in a month you'll get a big beautiful list of goals more specific than you anything you ever cared to know about. THE NEW YEAR IS AHEAD AND I'VE ALREADY STARTED MY GOALS!!!

Now I'm off to fill up my water bottle, eat a little oatmeal and enjoy breathing clearly through my nose.

Isn't health is a beautiful thing!